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2007 has been a very busy year for us. Let me start with the craziness around my career. Started the year off in a whirlwind of work - Jan-April was nonstop travel with Board Meetings, operations meetings, and investor meetings. It seemed like I was always on the road. I was in New York, Florida, Texas, Washington DC, Seattle, and Las Vegas. While so of this is fun, it gets old after a while. I miss being at home with my family. In May I started thinking about doing something else, starting my own business so that I could be in control of my own life again. But that was a long process. Convincing my boss that I was serious about a change was a difficult task. We have worked together off and on for over 20 years and he's as much a part of my life as my family is. At least I have been working with him for longer than I have been with my husband and children. We continued to talk about how to make it work but I continued to struggle with the challenges of running a public company's operations and balancing that with having a life. Working with an executive coach I began to formulate some ideas about what I would like to do with a goal of leaving my job within the year.
In October an opportunity came up that seemed like a once in a lifetime thing. I decided to go for it but had to leave the company with no notice. Its an emotional roller coaster because all of this happened at the same time my Dad's illness took a terrible turn. John has been incredibly supportive. I spent six weeks in Kentucky caring for my father in his last weeks while trying to work on this deal over the phone.
The group that I spent a lot of my efforts negotiating with looks like they may pull through and get the deal. While I won't be a partner in the deal we have worked out an agreement that will provide me with a nice fee in order to eventually kick off my own efforts with Doubelhaul Investments. I will do some consulting for them for the next six months or so while I am also wrapping up things with some of my Dad's projects in Kentucky. We own a single family land development and were building some spec houses at the time my father passed away. You can read more about the final weeks with my father in other blog postings if you are interested.
John is continuing to be very active with the kid's school and scouting with Jack. He stays very busy and spent a good part of the year overseeing the construction mess in our basement. If was finally completed in September and now we have to furnish it. We put a "pub" in the basement named for John's Irish roots - The Carolan Pub - the name got changed when they came across the big pond so now it's Carlin. It is the neighborhood hang out as the neighbors walk the trail behind the house on occasion to see if the pub lights are on so they can stop in for a Fat Tire (a local Colorado beer we have on tap. John has also been teaching Mac and Jack to shoot - bows and BB's. They are both pretty good and enjoy shooting at targets. Let's just hope they don't start shooting at something else. We have a lot of deer in our area and one of the neighbors got a hunting tag to shoot them with a bow. Mac and Jack were over at their house one evening when the neighbor killed a deer. It was an interesting experience for them to say the least. John continues to do well with his Parkinson's though he is slowing down a bit. I know it is a challenge for him with my in Kentucky. His doctor left the practice and the practice has kind of fallen apart so he has spent a good bit of time trying to find another one. We are scheduled to see a doctor at the Cleveland Clinic in December. We remain optimistic about the research that is going on to find a cure.
Lindsay returned home from SCAD and enrolled in the Art Institute of Colorado in January. She is an amazing photographer and is doing well in her classes. Check our her website at www.7-24photo.com. This summer she got some jobs taking senior class photos for a few students and they turned out great. If you are looking for a family photo, photo's of your kids or just some nice photos for your walls - check out the site. She is ready for business. She continues to hang out with the old gang from our old neighborhood and is growing up into an amazing young lady. I am very proud of her. In July we decided to join a good friend of mine and her son and niece on a trip to Italy. It was really a spur of the moment decision something I don't usually do. We had a wonderful time visiting Venice, Lugano-Switzerland, Milan, Florence and Rome. I am definitely going back. What an amazing place.
Mary Mac is getting so tall she will soon out grow me. She is only 10! She is still the fashion queen of the house. She is taking hip hop dance and loves it - no more Irish dance. I think last years St.Patty's Parade put an end to that. Too much walking! She is doing well in school and enjoys hanging out with friends and the whole Webkins craze.
Jack is growing up fast too but is still our baby. He is active in scouts and enjoys all the activities. He and John have been camping several times. He started playing basketball this fall and is pretty good. Maybe he will have some of my Dad's talent - he played in college for a while. He has also retired from Irish Dance - getting too old, I think, to be one of the only boys. He loves art, a lot like Lindsay. He is also a big Webkins fan.
We are looking forward to the new year and new beginnings. It has been a difficult holiday season with the passing of my father - the last grandparent. It brings a whole new perspective to your life as the "top of the family tree" now.
All the best of season to you and yours.
Love,
Martha
Monday, December 24, 2007
Daddy's Eulogy
On Saturday December 15th I delivered my father's eulogy. Before it started we played "When I get Where I'm Going" with Dolly Parton and Brad Paisley and "Go Rest High on the Mountain" by Vince Gill.
Here is basically what I had to say - though I ad libbed a bit.
We are here today to celebrate the life of my father, Richard “Buddy” Rodgers, a very special man.
Over the past months I have been blessed with a gift - the gift of time with my father while I cared for him during his illness. It was short time, but every minute was special. This was also a time that I was well-prepared for through the example my father set for me. During my Dad’s life he was the finest example of a caregiver that I have ever known. Many of you know how he cared for my Mom through the years. He also helped care for his mother.
He told me about taking care of his mother when he was a young man and she was dying of cancer. She had surgery for the cancer when he was a teenager. They cut all the nerves in her legs and she couldn't walk. She told my Dad that she wanted to learn to walk again. Every afternoon when he came home from school he would help her get up and walk up and down the hall. With his help, she did learn to walk again.
The other night he was talking, remembering his mother. One of his fondest memories of her was from when he was a small boy and she was working at the distillery. She would pick him up in her New Pontiac after work. He would ride behind her with his arms around her neck and they would sing all the way home to Bald Knob.
He cared for my mother through the many years of her illnesses. If she needed something, he was always there with whatever she needed. Many people over the years commented to him that they didn’t know how he did it. He did it because he loved her and because he was a strong and faithful person. He did because he was special.
I learned so many things from him that have made me the person that I am today.
He taught me that being honest is one of the most important character traits a person can have. It might not always get you ahead in the game of life but as long as you’re honest you can sleep at night and people will respect you.
He taught me the value of hard work. He’s the hardest working person I have ever known. He never did a job half way and he taught my brother and me to have the same work ethic. Frank and I have many successes to show for our years of hard work and we have my dad to thank for that. He learned his work ethic from his Granddaddy Harrod and the Rodgers family working on the farms out in Bald Knob.
The other night Dad was telling stories about working on the farm with Granddaddy Harrod. One afternoon during tobacco cutting season Granddaddy asked him to ride with him over to another farm while he did some business. When they got to the farm his Grandfather told him, “Now son, you never stop a man while he’s working. So you take two rows on one side and I’ll take two rows on the other side and we’ll work along side him while I talk to him.” So they both started working alongside him. When they were finished with the business at hand they finished their rows and got back in the truck.
My dad never had an alarm clock. When he was young, he got up most mornings on the farm at 4 o’clock to deliver milk before school or to pluck the chickens to take to town and sell on Saturday morning.
He taught me to be persistent, self sufficient and to never give up. He had some ups and downs in his lifetime but he never stopped trying. He came back from his set backs and through it all he was always optimistic. He kept a positive outlook right to the end even with his illness. The nurses at St. Joe’s Cancer unit loved my Dad because he treated them well and kept a positive attitude. Many of their patients are angry about being ill and take it out on the nurses. Not my Dad. The last week he went up for a transfusion he wanted to make sure that we took some Rebecca Ruth Candy to all the nurses that had been so nice to him over the past months. He always asked them about their day or their family and told them they were pretty and sweet. He rarely complained and tried to be cheerful even when he was in pain. All those nurses drove in last night to pay their respects which I guess shouldn’t have surprised me. I know it made my Dad smile. He was special.
It took him a long time, but he eventually taught me patience. When we were both much younger neither one of us had much patience. I remember when I was about 5 years old and he was teaching me to ride a bike. He would push me along and then let go and I kept getting upset. He lost patience with me and went inside the house. So I picked up the bike and got on it and figured out how to ride it by myself. A few years later he was trying to teach me how to drive a stick shift. I kept popping the clutch and he kept fussing at me. I stalled the car out on East Main Street and he told me just to drive home. I pulled the car up to the house and he got out. I drove back in to the country club and finally figured it out. So his lack of patience in those early years taught me to be self reliant. But in the end he had the patience of Job. He spent many hours waiting, waiting in doctor’s offices for results of his blood work, waiting at the hospital for his transfusions and in the end just waiting. He was sweet and kind and patient through it all. He was special.
He taught me that giving to others was the best gift you could give. It is fitting that he has passed during the Christmas season, as one of my fondest memories of my father was from a Christmas long ago. I think I was about 10 or 12 years old. It was back when my father owned the hardware store. There was a single mother who had put a bicycle on lay-away at the store for her young son. She called the store on Christmas Eve and said that she wasn’t going to be able to make the final payment to get the bicycle. We were at my aunt Billie Mac’s with all of our family and many presents and he just couldn’t stand the thought of that little boy not getting his bike for Christmas. He and my cousins Polly & Granville left the party and went to the store to get the bike and delivered it to the woman. Every time I tell that story it reminds how important it is to think of those less fortunate and always try to give a little extra to make someone else’s day special.
Over the past several months driving back and forth to the Cleveland Clinic, he taught me a lot about farming. As we drove past the fields in Kentucky and Ohio he told me stories about his boyhood growing up in Bald Knob working on his grandfather’s farm. I learned about the dairy business, growing and cutting tobacco, plucking chickens, corn shocks and so many other things. These were fond memories for him and I feel blessed to have heard these stories. I only wish I had taken a recorder in the car so that I could listen to them again.
He taught me how to cook breakfast. He made the best breakfast I have ever had. Nobody could make bacon, sausage and eggs like my Daddy. He used to cook bacon and a fried egg every morning for his little dog Molly. He was a good cook, kept a clean house and knew how to sew a button on his shirt. He said his Mama taught him how to do all of those things just in case some day he married a mean woman. Well he didn’t marry a mean woman, but all those skills she taught him sure came in handy over the years.
He taught the land development and building business. Back in the early 90’s I came back to Kentucky for a few years and worked along side my Dad. Last week Frank and he were talking about all the years my Dad has been building houses in Frankfort. They tried to figure out how many houses he had built. He built houses in Cloverdale, Thistleton, the Country Club, Country Lane, Silverlake, Garden Point, Riverbend and now in Pinehill. We think he might have built close to 500 homes over the years.
He taught me that it is not what a person does or how much money they have that makes them important. Treat every person with respect and stay true to yourself. He always judged a man by his character, not by any other measure. A good, honest country boy would rank well ahead of the President of the United States in his book. I always try to keep that in mind whenever I meet new people.
There are so many more things that he taught me, I could go on all day.
But most of all he taught me about love. He loved my mother more than I think it is sometimes possible to love a person. He struggled with her through many years but he was steadfast – always by her side. In a day and age where marriage vows are often cast aside, he took his and kept them with every fiber of his being. When she passed away a few short years ago I remember he said to me, “She sure was good company.” I promised her on the night she died that I would take care of him. Almost everyday after she died I called him on my way home from work and we would talk for twenty minutes or so. I cherish every minute of those conversations as I grew closer to my Dad everyday. Every day he told me how much he loved me and I told him how much I loved him. He sure was special.
The other night when he decided not to go to the hospital we were talking in the car on the way back home. We both knew that time was short. I said that I knew Mama was waiting for him and she probably has her dancing shoes on. I am sure that he is with her now and they are dancing together through eternity, as it should be.
Then we played the Paul Overstreet song "Love Lives On". After the service ended we played "Happy Trails" with Randy Travis and Roy Rogers.
It was an incredibly rainy day. An Irish friend told me that means that the person is going straight to heaven because the heavens are opening up. Another friend from Algeria told me that the rain is a sign that the person gave much to others and the world in their lifetime because the rain enriches the earth. I thought that was very fitting and beautiful.
I am trying not to be too sad for I know he is in heaven and at peace. But it is so hard not to be sad.
Here is basically what I had to say - though I ad libbed a bit.
We are here today to celebrate the life of my father, Richard “Buddy” Rodgers, a very special man.
Over the past months I have been blessed with a gift - the gift of time with my father while I cared for him during his illness. It was short time, but every minute was special. This was also a time that I was well-prepared for through the example my father set for me. During my Dad’s life he was the finest example of a caregiver that I have ever known. Many of you know how he cared for my Mom through the years. He also helped care for his mother.
He told me about taking care of his mother when he was a young man and she was dying of cancer. She had surgery for the cancer when he was a teenager. They cut all the nerves in her legs and she couldn't walk. She told my Dad that she wanted to learn to walk again. Every afternoon when he came home from school he would help her get up and walk up and down the hall. With his help, she did learn to walk again.
The other night he was talking, remembering his mother. One of his fondest memories of her was from when he was a small boy and she was working at the distillery. She would pick him up in her New Pontiac after work. He would ride behind her with his arms around her neck and they would sing all the way home to Bald Knob.
He cared for my mother through the many years of her illnesses. If she needed something, he was always there with whatever she needed. Many people over the years commented to him that they didn’t know how he did it. He did it because he loved her and because he was a strong and faithful person. He did because he was special.
I learned so many things from him that have made me the person that I am today.
He taught me that being honest is one of the most important character traits a person can have. It might not always get you ahead in the game of life but as long as you’re honest you can sleep at night and people will respect you.
He taught me the value of hard work. He’s the hardest working person I have ever known. He never did a job half way and he taught my brother and me to have the same work ethic. Frank and I have many successes to show for our years of hard work and we have my dad to thank for that. He learned his work ethic from his Granddaddy Harrod and the Rodgers family working on the farms out in Bald Knob.
The other night Dad was telling stories about working on the farm with Granddaddy Harrod. One afternoon during tobacco cutting season Granddaddy asked him to ride with him over to another farm while he did some business. When they got to the farm his Grandfather told him, “Now son, you never stop a man while he’s working. So you take two rows on one side and I’ll take two rows on the other side and we’ll work along side him while I talk to him.” So they both started working alongside him. When they were finished with the business at hand they finished their rows and got back in the truck.
My dad never had an alarm clock. When he was young, he got up most mornings on the farm at 4 o’clock to deliver milk before school or to pluck the chickens to take to town and sell on Saturday morning.
He taught me to be persistent, self sufficient and to never give up. He had some ups and downs in his lifetime but he never stopped trying. He came back from his set backs and through it all he was always optimistic. He kept a positive outlook right to the end even with his illness. The nurses at St. Joe’s Cancer unit loved my Dad because he treated them well and kept a positive attitude. Many of their patients are angry about being ill and take it out on the nurses. Not my Dad. The last week he went up for a transfusion he wanted to make sure that we took some Rebecca Ruth Candy to all the nurses that had been so nice to him over the past months. He always asked them about their day or their family and told them they were pretty and sweet. He rarely complained and tried to be cheerful even when he was in pain. All those nurses drove in last night to pay their respects which I guess shouldn’t have surprised me. I know it made my Dad smile. He was special.
It took him a long time, but he eventually taught me patience. When we were both much younger neither one of us had much patience. I remember when I was about 5 years old and he was teaching me to ride a bike. He would push me along and then let go and I kept getting upset. He lost patience with me and went inside the house. So I picked up the bike and got on it and figured out how to ride it by myself. A few years later he was trying to teach me how to drive a stick shift. I kept popping the clutch and he kept fussing at me. I stalled the car out on East Main Street and he told me just to drive home. I pulled the car up to the house and he got out. I drove back in to the country club and finally figured it out. So his lack of patience in those early years taught me to be self reliant. But in the end he had the patience of Job. He spent many hours waiting, waiting in doctor’s offices for results of his blood work, waiting at the hospital for his transfusions and in the end just waiting. He was sweet and kind and patient through it all. He was special.
He taught me that giving to others was the best gift you could give. It is fitting that he has passed during the Christmas season, as one of my fondest memories of my father was from a Christmas long ago. I think I was about 10 or 12 years old. It was back when my father owned the hardware store. There was a single mother who had put a bicycle on lay-away at the store for her young son. She called the store on Christmas Eve and said that she wasn’t going to be able to make the final payment to get the bicycle. We were at my aunt Billie Mac’s with all of our family and many presents and he just couldn’t stand the thought of that little boy not getting his bike for Christmas. He and my cousins Polly & Granville left the party and went to the store to get the bike and delivered it to the woman. Every time I tell that story it reminds how important it is to think of those less fortunate and always try to give a little extra to make someone else’s day special.
Over the past several months driving back and forth to the Cleveland Clinic, he taught me a lot about farming. As we drove past the fields in Kentucky and Ohio he told me stories about his boyhood growing up in Bald Knob working on his grandfather’s farm. I learned about the dairy business, growing and cutting tobacco, plucking chickens, corn shocks and so many other things. These were fond memories for him and I feel blessed to have heard these stories. I only wish I had taken a recorder in the car so that I could listen to them again.
He taught me how to cook breakfast. He made the best breakfast I have ever had. Nobody could make bacon, sausage and eggs like my Daddy. He used to cook bacon and a fried egg every morning for his little dog Molly. He was a good cook, kept a clean house and knew how to sew a button on his shirt. He said his Mama taught him how to do all of those things just in case some day he married a mean woman. Well he didn’t marry a mean woman, but all those skills she taught him sure came in handy over the years.
He taught the land development and building business. Back in the early 90’s I came back to Kentucky for a few years and worked along side my Dad. Last week Frank and he were talking about all the years my Dad has been building houses in Frankfort. They tried to figure out how many houses he had built. He built houses in Cloverdale, Thistleton, the Country Club, Country Lane, Silverlake, Garden Point, Riverbend and now in Pinehill. We think he might have built close to 500 homes over the years.
He taught me that it is not what a person does or how much money they have that makes them important. Treat every person with respect and stay true to yourself. He always judged a man by his character, not by any other measure. A good, honest country boy would rank well ahead of the President of the United States in his book. I always try to keep that in mind whenever I meet new people.
There are so many more things that he taught me, I could go on all day.
But most of all he taught me about love. He loved my mother more than I think it is sometimes possible to love a person. He struggled with her through many years but he was steadfast – always by her side. In a day and age where marriage vows are often cast aside, he took his and kept them with every fiber of his being. When she passed away a few short years ago I remember he said to me, “She sure was good company.” I promised her on the night she died that I would take care of him. Almost everyday after she died I called him on my way home from work and we would talk for twenty minutes or so. I cherish every minute of those conversations as I grew closer to my Dad everyday. Every day he told me how much he loved me and I told him how much I loved him. He sure was special.
The other night when he decided not to go to the hospital we were talking in the car on the way back home. We both knew that time was short. I said that I knew Mama was waiting for him and she probably has her dancing shoes on. I am sure that he is with her now and they are dancing together through eternity, as it should be.
Then we played the Paul Overstreet song "Love Lives On". After the service ended we played "Happy Trails" with Randy Travis and Roy Rogers.
It was an incredibly rainy day. An Irish friend told me that means that the person is going straight to heaven because the heavens are opening up. Another friend from Algeria told me that the rain is a sign that the person gave much to others and the world in their lifetime because the rain enriches the earth. I thought that was very fitting and beautiful.
I am trying not to be too sad for I know he is in heaven and at peace. But it is so hard not to be sad.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Peaceful at Last
My father passed away this morning at 4am. He is finally at peace in heaven with my mother. Visitation will be Friday night at the Rogers Funeral Home in Frankfort, Kentucky with services on Saturday morning.
I have never been so drained in all my life.
I have never been so drained in all my life.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Another hard Day
After the difficult start to the day I called Father Chuck and asked him to come. He spent some time with Daddy. Daddy was calm and peaceful. Father Chuck said that he could tell it would not be long. Daddy had already seen my mother and he was ready he just needed to stay relaxed and peaceful. Then he said that though he wasn't sure he felt that my presense might be causing my father to hang on. He thought that it would be helpful for me in my current exhausted state as well as for my father if I could leave the house for a while and go spend some time with myself. So I left the house for three hours. My brother called and said that I needed to get back home because there wasn't much time. So I got home about 15 minutes later and the minute I walked in to the room all of his vital signs started coming back. This upset me a great deal. I decided to leave the house again. I called Father Chuck and he said that I just needed to stay in the other room. I could be close but perhaps my father was concerned that it was going to be just too hard on me to be there at the end. So I have been sitting in the living room for the last two hours. We are going to have an 11th hour hospice volunteer sit with him tonight until midnight. I am going to try to sleep in the other bedroom instead of on my Dad's floor or the couch tonight and try to get some rest.
Please pray for a peaceful passing for my father. It is so much harder to see him suffer than it will be for me to know he is at peace. We need to let go of each other. We will always have each other even when he is on the other side. I know that. I just need for him to know that.
Please pray for a peaceful passing for my father. It is so much harder to see him suffer than it will be for me to know he is at peace. We need to let go of each other. We will always have each other even when he is on the other side. I know that. I just need for him to know that.
New form of torture for the CIA
I think I have found the solution for turning CIA captives into informants. Make them sit and listen for hours on end to someone close them gasping for breath and suffering. It is the most agonizing torture in the world. The breath slows and it seems like peace is coming and then the gasping starts again. It is unbelievable. My mother didn't struggle like this even though it was similar she was much more at peace it seemed with the process. It just seems like there is something unresolved that keeps him struggling to come back.
I called Father Chuck and asked him to come this morning. He has a calming effect.
I called Father Chuck and asked him to come this morning. He has a calming effect.
Peace
I think my brother and I are reaching our breaking point. I don't know how much longer we can endure this process. My Dad keeps trying to get out of bed and he is too weak. My brother isn't strong enough to lift 185 pounds of dead weight. He is going to throw out his back. My Dad isn't making any sense and we can't reason with him about getting out of bed. He doesn't hear anything I say. He only hears my brother. We did get some sleep between midnight a 5am but that's just not enough. I haven't had 8 hours of sleep more than a month. I have lost at least 10 pounds, probably more and I feel like I am losing my mind. I have been home in over a month. My children and my husband need me too. It is Christmas time and they want me with them. Its Lindsay's favorite time of the year and my favorite time with her because she is so full of the Christmas spirit. I need some of that spirit. I haven't been out of this house for more than an a few hours in 3 weeks and that was to have dinner with some investors who are just trying to get the most out this deal for themselves at the least amount of benefit they can get away with for me. I am going insane. Please pray for peace for all of us. We need peace - most of all for my Dad.
Monday, December 10, 2007
An odd morning
After the Hospice nurse left this morning my Dad wanted to get up in the wheelchair and sit in the family room for a while. He sat up in the chair for about 3 hours. Ate some ice cream and some soup and slept sitting up for a while. We finally got him back to bed around 1:00. He is resting now. It seems like its so near the end but then he just rallies back. I guess that is pretty common. It is heart wrenching.
A better night
We were finally able to get my Dad comfortable and resting and he got a better nights sleep (so did I). He only got up twice. This morning he woke up and wanted to sit up on the edge of the bed. He ate a little yogurt for breakfast and was much more lucid. We talked for a bit and I sat next to him on the bed and put my arm around him. He is an amazingly strong man.
Sunday, December 9, 2007
Still hanging in there
Most of the day Saturday Daddy seemed to be doing a lot better than I would have expected. He got up and ate a poached egg and toast in the morning. Two friends came by and visted for an hour or so - Byrl and Kurt. They were just torn up when they left but really glad they had come to see him and visit for a while. Father Chuck came by before leaving town to preach in Hazard today. Daddy come out to the dining room table and ate lunch. He was in good spirits most of the afternoon but getting a little weaker. After dinner we were all tired. Frank had a bunch of conference calls for his big client conversion, trying to keep that on track despite his absense from New York. I decided to sleep on the floor in Daddy's room so that would be there when he needed something. He got up about every two hours. Once in the middle of the night he said he wanted waffles for breakfast. In the morning Frank went out and got waffles and he came out to the dining room table and ate waffles. But after that he really started slipping. It seemed like after lunch that he was slipping away and I really thought he was going to leave us early in the afternoon. But he had rallied. He really isn't lucid much anymore but he still keeps trying to get out of bed even though he is too weak. My brother had to fuss at him and tell him that he couldn't get out of bed anymore. He's gone to Walmart to see if he can find some sort of bed rail because Hospice can't deliver one until tomorrow.
I will sleep on the floor again tonight.
I will sleep on the floor again tonight.
Saturday, December 8, 2007
Decision Time
Late yesterday afternoon the Hospice nurse came to take my Dad's blood. She called back with the results and the doctor wanted him to go to the hospital in an ambulance to get a transfusion as his hemoglobin was only 6 and his platelets were only 3. My brother had just left to go back to the airport and my Dad had promised to try to stay alive until he could return on Monday. So Daddy agreed to go to the hospital but not in an ambulance. The nurse and social worker came over and helped me get him in the car and we started the drive to Lexington. I was upset because I knew if we went to the hospital he would never get out, they would never let him rest peacefully and he did not want to die in hospital. My brother called when we were over half way there and his plane had been delayed. I told him that they only reason we were going to the hospital was because my Dad wanted to wait for him to get back. So he decided to leave the airport and come back home. We made a U-turn at Keeneland and started driving back home.
I called the doctor and asked how long we have if he doesn't get the transfusion. She said it would probably be less than 48 hours. I called Father Chuck and he said he would meet us at the house.
We got home and my Dad's friend, Brock, helped us get in the house and stayed to visit. He had just driven in from South Carolina.
Helen, the woman who has helped my parent's with cleaning for many years had been at the house earlier in the day. My Dad had wanted a piece of coconut cream pie. So she went home that afternoon and cooked a pie and fried chicken, mashed potatoes, country style green beans and corn. She brought it over and my Dad sat at the table and ate a nice meal and had some pie. He stayed up for an hour or so talking about his family and my mother to Father Chuck and all of us. It was a nice time.
My brother and I took turns through the night checking on him and sitting with him. This morning he got up and I cooked him a poached egg and some toast. He sure is alert for somebody with no blood in his body and just a few hours left.
I wrote his eulogy for him last night and read it to him so he would know what I was going to say about him. He sure is a fine man and the best father in the world.
I called the doctor and asked how long we have if he doesn't get the transfusion. She said it would probably be less than 48 hours. I called Father Chuck and he said he would meet us at the house.
We got home and my Dad's friend, Brock, helped us get in the house and stayed to visit. He had just driven in from South Carolina.
Helen, the woman who has helped my parent's with cleaning for many years had been at the house earlier in the day. My Dad had wanted a piece of coconut cream pie. So she went home that afternoon and cooked a pie and fried chicken, mashed potatoes, country style green beans and corn. She brought it over and my Dad sat at the table and ate a nice meal and had some pie. He stayed up for an hour or so talking about his family and my mother to Father Chuck and all of us. It was a nice time.
My brother and I took turns through the night checking on him and sitting with him. This morning he got up and I cooked him a poached egg and some toast. He sure is alert for somebody with no blood in his body and just a few hours left.
I wrote his eulogy for him last night and read it to him so he would know what I was going to say about him. He sure is a fine man and the best father in the world.
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Long Day's Journey into Night
Yesterday I took my Dad in for a tranfusion - 2 units of red blood cells and a 12 pack of plasma. Both hemoglobin and platelets were low. It took most of the day so I had to go back to Frankfort and get several things done on a house we sold that afternoon. When I got back he was short of breath and had been for a while. They did a chest xray, ekg and some more blood work and decided they needed to keep him overnight. I was supposed to fly to Atlanta for the day today to meet with some investors. I tossed and turned most of the night trying to figure out what to do - my brother was trying to make arrangements to fly in for the morning. Finally around 3am I decided it was nuts to try to fly to Atlanta so I left them a message and called my brother to tell him not to come. Went in this morning to get my Dad. Turns out yesterday's transfusions did not do much and they wanted to give him some more blood today. He said no. He just wanted to come home. So we came home. He went to bed and spent the afternoon on the phone with the guys from Atlanta. They are going to fly to Lexington tomorrow to meet with me so I guess they must be pretty interested to go to all that effort. Daddy rested most of the afternoon. He says he's ready to "have his ticket punched". He got up around 8 and ate some soup. Then he asked me to sit with him in his room for a while. So we just sat and talked a little and I rubbed his back for a while. I hope he sleeps well tonight. I am going to bed soon because I can sure use a good night's rest too. I have a cold that I caught from a woman on the plane back from New Jersey. Like I need to be sick right now.
I could use some humor, if anybody has some humor please send a smile my way.
I could use some humor, if anybody has some humor please send a smile my way.
Sunday, December 2, 2007
On a plane
I just put my family on the plane to go back home. I did a pretty good job of holding things in. I always seem to cry the most when Lindsay leaves in times like these. She's the one person in my life who knew my parents in a way that is deep enough to feel the same loss I am feeling. I want so much to hold her and for her to want to hold me so that we could make each other feel better. She let me hug her but didn't hug be back. That's an improvement over when my mother died. I wonder what is going on in her mind. I know how glad my father was to see her. She's his "punky brester". He has such fond memories of her childhood - taking her out for a grilled cheese and ice cream at Cliffside, just hanging out.
It was wonderful to have them all here this weekend. I stayed at the hotel with them so it was nice to have a break from my Dad's house at night. He seemed better this weekend - maybe that WAS because Lindsay is magic.
Tomorrow is another day. We have a blood test and the doctor. I think my Dad will still have a transfusion tomorrow, but he might decide not to. I respect his decision either way except with me leaving for the day on Wednesday I hope he has one. He will feel better for a few days with some new "red cells". We are going to have Hospice come in a talk to us on Tuesday. They may be able to provide a volunteer for the day or at least part of the day on Wednesday.
The deal seems to be moving along but it is really hard to juggle that with everything else that is going on. At the end of the day if I don't get the deal it won't be the end of the world. Family is much more important than any amount of money or deal in the world. Always keep things in perspective.
It was wonderful to have them all here this weekend. I stayed at the hotel with them so it was nice to have a break from my Dad's house at night. He seemed better this weekend - maybe that WAS because Lindsay is magic.
Tomorrow is another day. We have a blood test and the doctor. I think my Dad will still have a transfusion tomorrow, but he might decide not to. I respect his decision either way except with me leaving for the day on Wednesday I hope he has one. He will feel better for a few days with some new "red cells". We are going to have Hospice come in a talk to us on Tuesday. They may be able to provide a volunteer for the day or at least part of the day on Wednesday.
The deal seems to be moving along but it is really hard to juggle that with everything else that is going on. At the end of the day if I don't get the deal it won't be the end of the world. Family is much more important than any amount of money or deal in the world. Always keep things in perspective.
Quantity vs Quality
For me quality of life is much more important than quantity. It is the same for my Dad. I wonder what makes some people want quantity regardless of quality? It sort of made me think of that case in Florida a few years ago.
If anyone is reading this - what would you choose? Quality? Quantity?
If anyone is reading this - what would you choose? Quality? Quantity?
Update
This past week we confirmed that my Dad's disease has changed in to Acute Leukemia. There are treatments for this, however, they only provide quantity of life not quality of life. My Dad has always been an active person and really isn't interested in prolonging his life if it just means laying in bed in pain for feeling sick from the treatments. I can't say that I would make a different choice. I wonder sometimes when working with the medical profession if they think about the hypocratic oath when treating their patients. I think it says something about "first do no harm". Its sort of like the prime directive from Star Trek if you happen to be a fan.
In the past several days my Dad has stopped taking a lot of his medicines - insulin, heart medications, antibiotics, etc. Many of them make his sick to his stomach because he's not eating much and they don't do well on an empty stomach. He's mostly just taking the pain medication now.
On Thursday my brother's family came in to say goodbye and stayed through Friday morning. On Friday night my family arrived. They are leaving tonight. It has been nice to have them here. I stayed over at the hotel with them for the past two nights and my brother stayed with my Dad. My Dad is sort of possessive of me and probably would have rather I did not go stay at the hotel but my brother is perfectly capable. Its kind of strange how much Daddy depends on me and always calls out for me when he wants something. Normally, I would find this distracting and irritating because it seems to be the story of my life - someone always calling out and wanting something from me - but in this case I seem to be doing just fine. Perhaps it is a lesson. Though I do recall a similar thing when my mother was dying. She had a bell she would ring. They expect you to be right at the door the instant they call your name or ring the bell. If you are in the middle of something that's just not realistic.
For the last two days he seems like he's a little better. That may be due to the new pain patch we were able to get him. Lindsay says its because she's here and she's magic. I know that my Dad was really glad that she was coming. He's very close to her.
Yesterday one of Dad's old hunting buddies came by and visited. They sat back in my Dad's room for over an hour talking about the old days when they went hunting together and other stuff. I think my Dad really enjoyed it. I have to fly out for a day trip on Wednesday. They may go for a drive out to his farm while I am traveling that day. I hope my Dad feels like going. I think that would be good for him.
In the past several days my Dad has stopped taking a lot of his medicines - insulin, heart medications, antibiotics, etc. Many of them make his sick to his stomach because he's not eating much and they don't do well on an empty stomach. He's mostly just taking the pain medication now.
On Thursday my brother's family came in to say goodbye and stayed through Friday morning. On Friday night my family arrived. They are leaving tonight. It has been nice to have them here. I stayed over at the hotel with them for the past two nights and my brother stayed with my Dad. My Dad is sort of possessive of me and probably would have rather I did not go stay at the hotel but my brother is perfectly capable. Its kind of strange how much Daddy depends on me and always calls out for me when he wants something. Normally, I would find this distracting and irritating because it seems to be the story of my life - someone always calling out and wanting something from me - but in this case I seem to be doing just fine. Perhaps it is a lesson. Though I do recall a similar thing when my mother was dying. She had a bell she would ring. They expect you to be right at the door the instant they call your name or ring the bell. If you are in the middle of something that's just not realistic.
For the last two days he seems like he's a little better. That may be due to the new pain patch we were able to get him. Lindsay says its because she's here and she's magic. I know that my Dad was really glad that she was coming. He's very close to her.
Yesterday one of Dad's old hunting buddies came by and visited. They sat back in my Dad's room for over an hour talking about the old days when they went hunting together and other stuff. I think my Dad really enjoyed it. I have to fly out for a day trip on Wednesday. They may go for a drive out to his farm while I am traveling that day. I hope my Dad feels like going. I think that would be good for him.
Friday, November 23, 2007
A Better Day - somewhat
Today I took my Dad in for his blood work and then we came back home and waited for a fax rather than sitting in the doctor's office for 2 hours waiting. The results were pretty good in that he doesn't need a transfusion today and will probably make it through the weekend until his appointment on Monday.
The bad news is that his Blast percentage is continuing to increase. This is a reading that indicates the number of immature white cells in the blood and is an indicator of leukemia. His blast percentage has climbed for each of the last three blood tests and is now 45%. They say that a reading above 20% is an indication of leukemia. So we think this has probably turned in to leukemia. I am not really sure what that means in terms of a prognosis. I mean we know he doesn't have a lot of time but we don't know if its a week, a month or several months.
He wanted me to drive by the cemetery yesterday to my mother's grave. When we stopped there he showed me where he wanted his tombstone to be - right behind my mother's. It made me cry but he said these are things we have to talk about and I agreed. It still made me sad. It makes me sad now just thinking about it.
The bad news is that his Blast percentage is continuing to increase. This is a reading that indicates the number of immature white cells in the blood and is an indicator of leukemia. His blast percentage has climbed for each of the last three blood tests and is now 45%. They say that a reading above 20% is an indication of leukemia. So we think this has probably turned in to leukemia. I am not really sure what that means in terms of a prognosis. I mean we know he doesn't have a lot of time but we don't know if its a week, a month or several months.
He wanted me to drive by the cemetery yesterday to my mother's grave. When we stopped there he showed me where he wanted his tombstone to be - right behind my mother's. It made me cry but he said these are things we have to talk about and I agreed. It still made me sad. It makes me sad now just thinking about it.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
2007 A year in Review
2007 has been a very busy year for us. Let me start with the craziness around my career. Started the year off in a whirlwind of work - Jan-April was nonstop travel with Board Meetings, operations meetings, and investor meetings. It seemed like I was always on the road. I was in New York, Florida, Texas, Washington DC, Seattle, and Las Vegas. While so of this is fun, it gets old after a while. I miss being at home with my family. In May I started thinking about doing something else, starting my own business so that I could be in control of my own life again. But that was a long process. Convincing my boss that I was serious about a change was a difficult task. We have worked together off and on for over 20 years and he's as much a part of my life as my family is. At least I have been working with him for longer than I have been with my husband and children. We continued to talk about how to make it work but I continued to struggle with the challenges of running a public company's operations and balancing that with having a life. Working with an executive coach I began to formulate some ideas about what I would like to do with a goal of leaving my job within the year.
In October an opportunity came up that seemed like a once in a lifetime thing. I decided to go for it but had to leave the company with no notice as I had decided to pursue buying some assets the company was looking to sell and I couldn't work there while pursuing the transaction. It was a difficult decision. I am pursuing the transaction now. Some days I am energized, excited and feel I can conquer the world. Other days I question myself and why I decided to do this. It may end up being just as much work and I won't be in complete control of my life because I will be answering to my equity partners in the deal. Its an emotional roller coaster. John has been incredibly supportive.
In the midst of this bold step by father's health took a turn for the worse. I went to Kentucky for what I expected would be a long weekend and now it looks like I will be here for the duration. That makes getting a deal done a bit of a challenge because I am really the only person to take care of him. My brother has his own business and a client situation that requires his devoted attention. We will see how it all plays out and if I don't get the deal, I am sure there will be other opportunities.
There is just a lot of uncertainty right now.
John is continuing to be very active with the kid's school and scouting with Jack. He stays very busy and spent a good part of the year overseeing the construction mess in our basement. If was finally completed in September and now we have to furnish it. We put a "pub" in the basement named for John's Irish roots - The Carolan Pub - the name got changed when they came across the big pond so now it's Carlin. It is the neighborhood hang out as the neighbors walk the trail behind the house on occasion to see if the pub lights are on so they can stop in for a Fat Tire (a local Colorado beer we have on tap. John has also been teaching Mac and Jack to shoot - bows and BB's. They are both pretty good and enjoy shooting at targets. Let's just hope they don't start shooting at something else. We have a lot of deer in our area and one of the neighbors got a hunting tag to shoot them with a bow. Mac and Jack were over at their house one evening when the neighbor killed a deer. It was an interesting experience for them to say the least. John continues to do well with his Parkinson's though he is slowing down a bit. I know it is a challenge for him with my in Kentucky. His doctor left the practice and the practice has kind of fallen apart so he has spent a good bit of time trying to find another one. We are scheduled to see a doctor at the Cleveland Clinic in December. We remain optimistic about the research that is going on to find a cure.
Lindsay returned home from SCAD and enrolled in the Art Institute of Colorado in January. She is an amazing photographer and is doing well in her classes. Check our her website at www.7-24photo.com. This summer she got some jobs taking senior class photos for a few students and they turned out great. If you are looking for a family photo, photo's of your kids or just some nice photos for your walls - check out the site. She is ready for business. She continues to hang out with the old gang from our old neighborhood and is growing up into an amazing young lady. I am very proud of her. In July we decided to join a good friend of mine and her son and niece on a trip to Italy. It was really a spur of the moment decision something I don't usually do. We had a wonderful time visiting Venice, Lugano-Switzerland, Milan, Florence and Rome. I am definitely going back. What an amazing place.
Mary Mac is getting so tall she will soon out grow me. She is only 10! She is still the fashion queen of the house. She is taking hip hop dance and loves it - no more Irish dance. I think last years St.Patty's Parade put an end to that. Too much walking! She is doing well in school and enjoys hanging out with friends and the whole Webkins craze.
Jack is growing up fast too but is still our baby. He is active in scouts and enjoys all the activities. He and John have been camping several times. He started playing basketball this fall and is pretty good. Maybe he will have some of my Dad's talent - he played in college for a while. He has also retired from Irish Dance - getting too old, I think, to be one of the only boys. He loves art, a lot like Lindsay. He is also a big Webkins fan.
We are looking forward to the new year and new beginnings.
In October an opportunity came up that seemed like a once in a lifetime thing. I decided to go for it but had to leave the company with no notice as I had decided to pursue buying some assets the company was looking to sell and I couldn't work there while pursuing the transaction. It was a difficult decision. I am pursuing the transaction now. Some days I am energized, excited and feel I can conquer the world. Other days I question myself and why I decided to do this. It may end up being just as much work and I won't be in complete control of my life because I will be answering to my equity partners in the deal. Its an emotional roller coaster. John has been incredibly supportive.
In the midst of this bold step by father's health took a turn for the worse. I went to Kentucky for what I expected would be a long weekend and now it looks like I will be here for the duration. That makes getting a deal done a bit of a challenge because I am really the only person to take care of him. My brother has his own business and a client situation that requires his devoted attention. We will see how it all plays out and if I don't get the deal, I am sure there will be other opportunities.
There is just a lot of uncertainty right now.
John is continuing to be very active with the kid's school and scouting with Jack. He stays very busy and spent a good part of the year overseeing the construction mess in our basement. If was finally completed in September and now we have to furnish it. We put a "pub" in the basement named for John's Irish roots - The Carolan Pub - the name got changed when they came across the big pond so now it's Carlin. It is the neighborhood hang out as the neighbors walk the trail behind the house on occasion to see if the pub lights are on so they can stop in for a Fat Tire (a local Colorado beer we have on tap. John has also been teaching Mac and Jack to shoot - bows and BB's. They are both pretty good and enjoy shooting at targets. Let's just hope they don't start shooting at something else. We have a lot of deer in our area and one of the neighbors got a hunting tag to shoot them with a bow. Mac and Jack were over at their house one evening when the neighbor killed a deer. It was an interesting experience for them to say the least. John continues to do well with his Parkinson's though he is slowing down a bit. I know it is a challenge for him with my in Kentucky. His doctor left the practice and the practice has kind of fallen apart so he has spent a good bit of time trying to find another one. We are scheduled to see a doctor at the Cleveland Clinic in December. We remain optimistic about the research that is going on to find a cure.
Lindsay returned home from SCAD and enrolled in the Art Institute of Colorado in January. She is an amazing photographer and is doing well in her classes. Check our her website at www.7-24photo.com. This summer she got some jobs taking senior class photos for a few students and they turned out great. If you are looking for a family photo, photo's of your kids or just some nice photos for your walls - check out the site. She is ready for business. She continues to hang out with the old gang from our old neighborhood and is growing up into an amazing young lady. I am very proud of her. In July we decided to join a good friend of mine and her son and niece on a trip to Italy. It was really a spur of the moment decision something I don't usually do. We had a wonderful time visiting Venice, Lugano-Switzerland, Milan, Florence and Rome. I am definitely going back. What an amazing place.
Mary Mac is getting so tall she will soon out grow me. She is only 10! She is still the fashion queen of the house. She is taking hip hop dance and loves it - no more Irish dance. I think last years St.Patty's Parade put an end to that. Too much walking! She is doing well in school and enjoys hanging out with friends and the whole Webkins craze.
Jack is growing up fast too but is still our baby. He is active in scouts and enjoys all the activities. He and John have been camping several times. He started playing basketball this fall and is pretty good. Maybe he will have some of my Dad's talent - he played in college for a while. He has also retired from Irish Dance - getting too old, I think, to be one of the only boys. He loves art, a lot like Lindsay. He is also a big Webkins fan.
We are looking forward to the new year and new beginnings.
Long Day
Yesterday we left the house at 8am to go to the doctor for a blood test to see if my Dad needed blood. After getting the blood work we sat in the doctor's office for about 2 hours waiting for the results. He did need blood and platelets so we head to the hospital next door arriving there around 11:30. Since his platelets have to be HLA typed now so that he won't reject them they had to order them from a special source. While we were waiting for those they prepared my Dad to receive 2 units of red blood cells. These take a long time to administer. They finally started those around 1:00. He finished the red cell transfusion around 8:30 and we were still waiting for the platelets to arrive. They arrived around 9:30 and were set up by 10. He finished the platelet transfusion around 10:30. So we didn't get home until 11. It seems to me that they need a new process for handling these sorts of things. People who are really sick don't need to be waiting around for hours and hours. The beds and chairs they have in the rooms are not comfortable which makes matters worse when you are sitting for 12 hours. It was a long, exhausting day. He had to do this six times last week. Fortunately this week we have only had to go once.
I haven't asked the doctor what happens if he stops taking the transfusions. I know the answer but I just don't know what it means in terms of time frames and suffering. This is so difficult. My brother was supposed to arrive last night but he is still sick. I have been telling him for a week to go get this Chinese concoction that I took when I was sick but he didn't try to go get it until late yesterday and they were closed. Very frustrating. So he will come on Friday night or Saturday morning if he is better.
I miss my husband and my children. I wish that they could be here too but it would just be too much. As the hours pass by slowing I often feel very lonely.
I haven't asked the doctor what happens if he stops taking the transfusions. I know the answer but I just don't know what it means in terms of time frames and suffering. This is so difficult. My brother was supposed to arrive last night but he is still sick. I have been telling him for a week to go get this Chinese concoction that I took when I was sick but he didn't try to go get it until late yesterday and they were closed. Very frustrating. So he will come on Friday night or Saturday morning if he is better.
I miss my husband and my children. I wish that they could be here too but it would just be too much. As the hours pass by slowing I often feel very lonely.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Living
Just about two years ago my mother died. In her last two weeks it was very hard. One day when I was talking to my daughter I told her that my mother was dying. She said, no she's not, "she's living, everyday that she is here she is living, she's not dying." It didn't strike me until later how wise she was. Even when there is just a little time left, a person is living, not dying.
Now I am faced again with this prospect with my father. The treatment he was taking was only making matters worse and we took him off the medicine on Friday. We don't know how long he has but for the time that he does have I am planning to be here with him. Because I want to be but also because I promised my mother the day that she died that I would take care of him. He is in pain quite a bit and has been sleeping a lot for the last few days. The stories that I enjoyed so much on our trips back and forth to Cleveland are gone. He doesn't feel like talking much. But he is enjoying listening to me talk on the phone and try to work on this deal to buy a big real estate portfolio. He always asks me to stay in the room so he can listen to my calls. I think he's living through me a little bit. So for now, I will remember what Lindsay said, my father is living everyday that he is still here with us, he's not dying.
Now I am faced again with this prospect with my father. The treatment he was taking was only making matters worse and we took him off the medicine on Friday. We don't know how long he has but for the time that he does have I am planning to be here with him. Because I want to be but also because I promised my mother the day that she died that I would take care of him. He is in pain quite a bit and has been sleeping a lot for the last few days. The stories that I enjoyed so much on our trips back and forth to Cleveland are gone. He doesn't feel like talking much. But he is enjoying listening to me talk on the phone and try to work on this deal to buy a big real estate portfolio. He always asks me to stay in the room so he can listen to my calls. I think he's living through me a little bit. So for now, I will remember what Lindsay said, my father is living everyday that he is still here with us, he's not dying.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Days Gone By
Over the past several months I have been driving my Dad back and forth from Kentucky to the Cleveland Clinic through the states of Kentucky and Ohio. During those drives I have had the wonderful experience of hearing about my Dad growing up on a farm and many of the jobs he did on the farm - milking cows, delivering milk, plucking chickens, planting tobacco plants, cutting tobacco.
Today, I learned something new. While driving down I71 in Ohio between Columbus and Cleveland I noticed a field where the corn was set up all across the field in little tee-pees. I asked my Dad what it was. He said they were cornshocks and that's the way they used to harvest the corn when he was a boy. Then he started thinking for a minute and said, "you go to the center and tie four stalks together then you cut the stalks in a square 16 rows out in each direction and tie them to the original four. The shocks are left in the field until the corn is need to feed the farm animals. He said that when he was a boy they used to do it at night by the light of the moon. If you did it during the day when it was dry the leaves on the corn plants would tear your arms up like razors. So they worked at night after the dew was on the plants to soften the leaves.
How's that for some agricutural history.
Here's a link the a University of Kentucky article on this old method of harvesting.
href="http://www.uky.edu/Ag/NewCrops/introsheets/cornshocks.pdf">
Today, I learned something new. While driving down I71 in Ohio between Columbus and Cleveland I noticed a field where the corn was set up all across the field in little tee-pees. I asked my Dad what it was. He said they were cornshocks and that's the way they used to harvest the corn when he was a boy. Then he started thinking for a minute and said, "you go to the center and tie four stalks together then you cut the stalks in a square 16 rows out in each direction and tie them to the original four. The shocks are left in the field until the corn is need to feed the farm animals. He said that when he was a boy they used to do it at night by the light of the moon. If you did it during the day when it was dry the leaves on the corn plants would tear your arms up like razors. So they worked at night after the dew was on the plants to soften the leaves.
How's that for some agricutural history.
Here's a link the a University of Kentucky article on this old method of harvesting.
href="http://www.uky.edu/Ag/NewCrops/introsheets/cornshocks.pdf">
Friday, September 14, 2007
Sometimes life punches you in the face
It has been a while since I have written. That's because I got punched in the face in the figurative sense last month. My father has been feeling bad for quite some time. His doctor ran some additional blood work and thought that he had Leukemia so she ordered a bone marrow biopsy. I flew out for that and it was extremely painful for him - it took them three tries to get the sample. Turns out he doesn't have Leukemia. We took him to the Cleveland Clinic (CC) for a second opinion and to see if there are any treatments that might not be available through his doctor in Ky. Eventually we learned that he has myeloproliferative AND myelodsyplatstic disorder due to several gene/chromosome abnormalities. Both are very rare so its is extremely rare to have both together. Basically, the stem cells in the bone marrow go haywire and mutate when they divide and then they start dividing rapidly and filling the marrow with bad cells which doesn't leave room for good cells. Eventually all the counts - red, white and platelets drop because the marrow is full of immature/undeveloped cells rather than mature quality blood cells. Ultimately is is fatal. His doctor at home gave him a prognosis of 4 to 6 months with that being "optimistic" because his white blood count is so low he has virtually no immune system. The CC Docs have some medicine for him to try that has had a fairly good success rate with people with one of the disorders. We are hopeful but concerned that we may have waited too long to go the CC. While he is taking this medication he will need to go to Cleveland every two weeks to get checked. In addition, he will get worse before he gets better and may end up having to have blood transfusions every week for a period of time. It is very scary. He lives alone and cannot be moved to Denver because the high altitude will make things worse for him. Maybe if the medicine works and there is improvement we can get him out to Colorado. So for now I am flying back and forth to Kentucky and driving back and forth to Cleveland - with the help of my brother.
So today I am exhausted. I flew out of Louisville this morning at 6am and my oldest daughter sent me 3 text messages in the middle of the night (2am) which woke me up because she wasn't feeling well. Something just seems to be haywire in that everyone needs more of me than I can give these days.
If you are interested in knowing more about what he has
So today I am exhausted. I flew out of Louisville this morning at 6am and my oldest daughter sent me 3 text messages in the middle of the night (2am) which woke me up because she wasn't feeling well. Something just seems to be haywire in that everyone needs more of me than I can give these days.
If you are interested in knowing more about what he has
Monday, July 30, 2007
Remembering Bruce
I flew home to Kentucky this past weekend for the funeral of my best friend's Dad. He had not been well for about two years after suffering some brain damage from lack of oxygen during a heart attack. He was such a gentle and funny man. Though apparently flawed throughout his life, this was something I did not know of him growing up. He was always so funny - loved the Three Stooges, Elvis and old John Wayne movies. He had nicknames for everyone - mine was Martha Matty May. He used to do this Three Stooges thing where he would make this funny sound and shake his hand in front of his face - you would have to have seen some of their old movies to know what I am talking about but it was funny. He said they were "educational". He loved Elvis - they played three Elvis gospel songs at his funeral yesterday and we laughed because it was Elvis and we cried because it was beautiful and it was Bruce. He always had funny names for different things like Hen's fruit for eggs and Rectum Ribbon for Toilet Paper and he called himself a "grocery bill" because he was a bit overweight. Even for the last two years when he wasn't quite right they said he kept his wonderful sense of humor. I think maybe he's up in heaven and will see my mother and recognize her and make her laugh too.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
I miss Italy
This is my second Monday back at work after returning from Italy. The first Monday back I was still in the haze of jet lag and not really zeroed in on anything. How can I begin to list the things I miss already.
Not their breakfast, really - we do that a lot better, but the coffee, definitely. It just seems like our coffee has no flavor. I don't really know how they brew it but the richness of the flavor without the bitterness you get here in a stronger cup of coffee is distinct.
The slow way they start their days - like a flower opening up as the sun rises rather than the Jack-in-the-box approach we have here in the US. I realize they aren't very productive in comparison to us but maybe somewhere in between the two approaches to life would make more sense. Is it even possible to change our society here just a little bit? Maybe Gen Y can do (Lindsay? Jordan?). But then again, maybe that's what led to the fall of the Roman Empire - lack of ambition and productivity!
The aromas that hit you throughout the day - foods, people, earth, wine, coffee - some are good and some not so good but it certainly keeps the sense of smell sharp. Everything here is "sanitized and deoderized". I am sitting in my office and I can't smell a single distinct aroma.
The sights - the old buildings with character and stories hidden behind each door, the countryside, so much of it still undeveloped, the people - with more liveliness in their faces, at least most of them anyway, and more color and sense of style in their dress. Granted, in Colorado the sights can be pretty spectacular with the sun setting over the mountains but it is too new to have the richness of character that was present in Europe.
So that's why I miss Italy.
Not their breakfast, really - we do that a lot better, but the coffee, definitely. It just seems like our coffee has no flavor. I don't really know how they brew it but the richness of the flavor without the bitterness you get here in a stronger cup of coffee is distinct.
The slow way they start their days - like a flower opening up as the sun rises rather than the Jack-in-the-box approach we have here in the US. I realize they aren't very productive in comparison to us but maybe somewhere in between the two approaches to life would make more sense. Is it even possible to change our society here just a little bit? Maybe Gen Y can do (Lindsay? Jordan?). But then again, maybe that's what led to the fall of the Roman Empire - lack of ambition and productivity!
The aromas that hit you throughout the day - foods, people, earth, wine, coffee - some are good and some not so good but it certainly keeps the sense of smell sharp. Everything here is "sanitized and deoderized". I am sitting in my office and I can't smell a single distinct aroma.
The sights - the old buildings with character and stories hidden behind each door, the countryside, so much of it still undeveloped, the people - with more liveliness in their faces, at least most of them anyway, and more color and sense of style in their dress. Granted, in Colorado the sights can be pretty spectacular with the sun setting over the mountains but it is too new to have the richness of character that was present in Europe.
So that's why I miss Italy.
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Fresh Produce
The Italians really know how to enjoy food. Everything we ate for the two weeks we were there was so fresh and amazing. They just don't serve things that aren't fresh. Opening a can is an afront to their senses. The tomatoes seemed more flavorful. The wine lighter and less proned to causing a hardcore "buzz". And I don't believe I have ever tasted a better cantelope in my life. Pasta, Panzanella, Salami, Cheeses, Bread, Truffles, Seafood - nothing compares here in the US. I have decided its because so little of our food is "real" - unalterated by genetic engineering to produce longevity but reduce taste. Look at this produce stand - it all looks so amazing. The colors are brighter than anything I saw today at Whole Foods and that's the best produce place I have found in town. Even our local "farmer's market" today had tomoatoes with a lable from Canada. Oh I am longing for the luscious foods of Italy and I've only been home one week.
Ciao
Monday, June 25, 2007
Being Grateful and serving others
In America so many of us are blessed with abundance. Even much of the poor by comparison are not living at a standard that would compare to the dispair in other countries of the world. I am reading Three Cups of Tea which is the story of how one person can make a difference. Greg Mortenson, after a failed attempt at K2 in Pakistan, ends up in a village where they nurse him back to health. The people in the village lead very simple lives farming the land but they have no school so they and there children cannot read. Greg works to raise funds and ultimately build a school for them in their village, Korphe. These are people who are incredibly grateful for everything they have and everything that they receive. We are often not grateful for anythng we have and it never seems to be enough. I am curious as to why people with so little in material possessions can be so grateful and we who have so much can think that its never enough. How have we allowed ourselves to evolve to this level of dissatisfaction. I want so much to feel the sense of appreciation and gratefulness that these simple people have. I want to serve other people in a way that I have never done in my life. It must be much more fulfilling to serve others than to serve one's self and the insatiable need for more.
Below is a link to a blog from an Iraqi living in New York. The site has links to numerous Iraqi blogs. We really need to figure out how to help these people in additional ways to the armed conflict. They need our help. There is a link to a youtube video about refugees in Jordan. There are over 800,000 Iraqi refugees now in Jordan. The entire country's population is just over 5 Million before the refugee influx. That is a tremendous surge in population for a tiny country such as Jordan. They need our help.
http://healingiraq.blogspot.com
Below is a link to a blog from an Iraqi living in New York. The site has links to numerous Iraqi blogs. We really need to figure out how to help these people in additional ways to the armed conflict. They need our help. There is a link to a youtube video about refugees in Jordan. There are over 800,000 Iraqi refugees now in Jordan. The entire country's population is just over 5 Million before the refugee influx. That is a tremendous surge in population for a tiny country such as Jordan. They need our help.
http://healingiraq.blogspot.com
Friday, June 22, 2007
American History
This week we traveled to Philadelphia and Washington, DC to tour some of America's history with the kids. We saw the Liberty Bell, Independence Hall, Betsy Rosses House, the foundation of Washington's House, The Declaration of Independence, Constitution and Bill of Rights, National Cathedral, WWII, Korean, Vietnam, Lincoln and Jefferson Memorials. I was surprised by how moved I was at the National Archives viewing what are referred to as the "Charters of Freedom". It is truly amazing what these men did at the founding of our country and how enduring these charters have been. Most countries around the world would not have survived the uncertainty of the close count in the 2000 presidential election. When Washington passed on the power of the Presidency to Adams at the end of his terms in a peaceful and orderly fashion he set in motion the foundation of one of the many things that makes our country so great.
Sadly, so many people in America today take our freedom for granted. We don't truly appreciate the sacrifices that those before us have made in order to protect and preserve our freeedom. Especially the very freedom of speech that is used from time to time to tear them down or speak ill of our institutions of Congress, the Presidency and the Courts. We aren't perfect but we are free. Very few people of world enjoy the freedoms that we take for granted here in America.
http://www.archives.gov/national-archives-experience/charters/declaration_zoom_1.html
On the wall of the Korean War Memorial it says, "Freedom is not Free". We should never forget this.
Sadly, so many people in America today take our freedom for granted. We don't truly appreciate the sacrifices that those before us have made in order to protect and preserve our freeedom. Especially the very freedom of speech that is used from time to time to tear them down or speak ill of our institutions of Congress, the Presidency and the Courts. We aren't perfect but we are free. Very few people of world enjoy the freedoms that we take for granted here in America.
http://www.archives.gov/national-archives-experience/charters/declaration_zoom_1.html
On the wall of the Korean War Memorial it says, "Freedom is not Free". We should never forget this.
More hope
There was another article in the paper today about more promising progress on Parkinson's through gene therapy. http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/medicalnews.php?newsid=74929
I know that they are going to find a cure very soon. I just know it.
I know that they are going to find a cure very soon. I just know it.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Hope
Today my husband sent me an article about the possible use of a blood pressure medication to arrest the progress of Parkinson's Disease. This would be the most amazing thing. The internet is really amazing in the ease with which a person can access information that might be helpful. John has several friends who must have RSS feeds or some other method for keeping up with things about Parkinson's Disease and they periodically send updates about new medicines and things that are being tried that might lead to a cure. I just wonder if we used the internet better for scientists AND the common man/woman if we couldn't find cures faster. People notice things that a doctor or scientist might not normally notice - clues that might lead them down the right path. If there were some sort of Wiki where people could share thoughts and ideas or things that they've noticed. Who knows what it could lead to. I think this idea has promise but I am not really sure how to get it started. If you have any ideas. Please share. In the meantime, I am excited by this new drug prospect. I know that a cure will be found in time to help my husband. I know it.
Sunday, June 3, 2007
True North
I just finished reading a great book about leadership - "True North" by Bill George. He is the retired CEO from Medtronic. Each chapter of the book had a section of questions in the back to help guide you in your own journey to becoming and authentic leader. The Chairman of the Board of our company spoke about this book during his speech accepting a lifetime achievement award. He spoke about the leadership vacuum in the world today in both the public and the private sector. This really got me thinking. For most of my career I have been trying to become a better leader with very few real mentors or examples of what a good leader is. I had one good example during my years at Arthur Andersen. That was Alvin Wade. He was honest and approachable, held people accountable and truly cared about his people. Since then I really haven't had a good leader to model or learn from. I have sort of been winging it. In the process though, I think I have become a very good leader. But I am still in the process of learning how to be better. The book had some really thought provoking questions in the appendices. I thought if I tried to tackle some of them on my blog that I might actually do the work that the book intends for the reader to do.
The first question in the appendix is - What leaders, past or present, do you admire most?
I think one would have to be Moses. He struggled so with his leadership. He was reluctant to lead and had no examples to follow. He learned as he went along. He had to repeatedly overcome obstacles but he persevered. He made mistakes but he learned from them.
Mother Teresa would have to be another one. She lead by example with a silent grace and complete selflessness.
Abraham Lincoln, Harry Truman, Lewis and Clark, and Thomas Jefferson are some American leaders I admire. The first two were faced with very difficult times and very difficult choices. Lewis and Clark had a great deal of courage to tackle the unknown and were creative problem solvers when they encountered issues along the way. Thomas Jeffereson had foresight and was a great thinker and planner. He was always learning, reading, preparing himself and others to lead.
I think Teddy Roosevelt is another example of a leader I admire. He was honest and forthright and not afraid to stand up for what he believed in. He also learned from his mistakes and overcame great adversity in his health, his career and his life. He never let defeat get him down.
There are so many but these are the one's that came to mind when I first ask myself this question. Sadly, none in current times come to mind.
Who are the leaders that come to mind for you?
The first question in the appendix is - What leaders, past or present, do you admire most?
I think one would have to be Moses. He struggled so with his leadership. He was reluctant to lead and had no examples to follow. He learned as he went along. He had to repeatedly overcome obstacles but he persevered. He made mistakes but he learned from them.
Mother Teresa would have to be another one. She lead by example with a silent grace and complete selflessness.
Abraham Lincoln, Harry Truman, Lewis and Clark, and Thomas Jefferson are some American leaders I admire. The first two were faced with very difficult times and very difficult choices. Lewis and Clark had a great deal of courage to tackle the unknown and were creative problem solvers when they encountered issues along the way. Thomas Jeffereson had foresight and was a great thinker and planner. He was always learning, reading, preparing himself and others to lead.
I think Teddy Roosevelt is another example of a leader I admire. He was honest and forthright and not afraid to stand up for what he believed in. He also learned from his mistakes and overcame great adversity in his health, his career and his life. He never let defeat get him down.
There are so many but these are the one's that came to mind when I first ask myself this question. Sadly, none in current times come to mind.
Who are the leaders that come to mind for you?
Stress
I had my annual physical last week. In general my health is good on all fronts with the exception of my mental state. According to the test I took I am in the 98th percentile on vocational stress and the 89th percentile on domestic stress. Let's see, my job stress is probably related to the fact that I have way too much to do and never enough time to do it because I am in endless, pointless meetings that rarely have an agenda or established outcomes. There is rarely open dialogue about real issues and half the people I work with are either passive aggressive or blatantly aggressive. There is no meaningful debate and concerns and issues that are raised are either discounted or outright ignored. Oh, and my boss, has an extremely unpredictable personality that floats between disrespectful, mean/cutting, and jovial and humorous. And his expectations are only rarely grounded in reality.
Then, let's look at the domestic stress. My mother died last year leaving my Dad alone and not in the best of health. Half the time the medicine one doctor is giving him for one ailment is practically killing because of one of his other issues. The medical system is broken and he's over a thousand miles away where I can't really help him. My nineteen year old daughter hates me and says that something I did when she was a child has caused her to have severe depression and other issues and is constantly making me feel like they need to make another "mommy dearest" to depict the horrors of my mothering skills. My husband has PD and won't talk to me about any of his feelings. He avoids my teenager and won't deal with the issues of their relationship or its impact on me as the person in between. While I know that he loves me very much I don't feel very loved. In fact, there is only one person in my house who tells me that they love me everyday without me having to say it first. That's my son Jack. He tells me several times a day, every day. I take that back, my Dad tells me every day when I call him on the phone to check on him. I think my husband has said he loved me once (before I said it) that I can remember in the last several months. My daughter Mary Mac says it sometimes but mostly after I have said it to her first.
I remember going to a marriage class before we got married. It was a weekend retreat at a church compound. One of the things that they told us was how important it is to tell each other that you love each other every day.
I realize that I have been a VERY strong person all my life so maybe that makes people either thinks that I don't need support or love. But I really do. I don't think I am as strong as I appear on the outside.
I suppose I really shouldn't be writing all this where people can read it. So why do people write these sorts of things on blogs. Are they crying out for someone to hear them and help them? For somebody to reach across the chasm and pull them back. To offer an idea, solution or just some support? Perhaps. Or maybe just to get off their chest.
Then, let's look at the domestic stress. My mother died last year leaving my Dad alone and not in the best of health. Half the time the medicine one doctor is giving him for one ailment is practically killing because of one of his other issues. The medical system is broken and he's over a thousand miles away where I can't really help him. My nineteen year old daughter hates me and says that something I did when she was a child has caused her to have severe depression and other issues and is constantly making me feel like they need to make another "mommy dearest" to depict the horrors of my mothering skills. My husband has PD and won't talk to me about any of his feelings. He avoids my teenager and won't deal with the issues of their relationship or its impact on me as the person in between. While I know that he loves me very much I don't feel very loved. In fact, there is only one person in my house who tells me that they love me everyday without me having to say it first. That's my son Jack. He tells me several times a day, every day. I take that back, my Dad tells me every day when I call him on the phone to check on him. I think my husband has said he loved me once (before I said it) that I can remember in the last several months. My daughter Mary Mac says it sometimes but mostly after I have said it to her first.
I remember going to a marriage class before we got married. It was a weekend retreat at a church compound. One of the things that they told us was how important it is to tell each other that you love each other every day.
I realize that I have been a VERY strong person all my life so maybe that makes people either thinks that I don't need support or love. But I really do. I don't think I am as strong as I appear on the outside.
I suppose I really shouldn't be writing all this where people can read it. So why do people write these sorts of things on blogs. Are they crying out for someone to hear them and help them? For somebody to reach across the chasm and pull them back. To offer an idea, solution or just some support? Perhaps. Or maybe just to get off their chest.
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Pavillion of Women
We are reading this book for our book club at the office. It was written in 1938. I was thinking it was not going to be very good or very relevant to today. Amazingly it was not. Much of what Madame Wu struggles with is very relevant today. She's looking for purpose. She is weighted down by her responsibilities in the household of more than 60 people. She longs for something that will touch her soul. There were so many observations about her and her loneliness that I found parallel to my own life in a very odd way. With one great exception - she did not love her husband. I love mine very much. He is the sweetest, kindest man I have ever met.
She carries a heavy burden for many people as do I - at work, with my Dad, at home
She longs for purpose and meaning as do I. I want to be something more than just the job I have. I want to know my purpose. But I am often too busy to ponder the question. This was Madame Wu's problem as well. So many things she had to handle that she did not have time for herself. To find inside herself what her purpose and meaning were.
She longs to reach inside herself. To feel and know her soul. As do I.
Maybe I will get that chance very soon - to ponder these questions.
She carries a heavy burden for many people as do I - at work, with my Dad, at home
She longs for purpose and meaning as do I. I want to be something more than just the job I have. I want to know my purpose. But I am often too busy to ponder the question. This was Madame Wu's problem as well. So many things she had to handle that she did not have time for herself. To find inside herself what her purpose and meaning were.
She longs to reach inside herself. To feel and know her soul. As do I.
Maybe I will get that chance very soon - to ponder these questions.
Saturday, May 12, 2007
7 Deadly Sins of Peformance Measurement
I recently attended an executive management class at MIT. They provided a copy of the most recent MIT Management Review which had a really interesting and relevant article on performance measurement. http://sloanreview.mit.edu/smr/issue/2007/spring/02/pdf/48302W.pdf
The 7 Deadly Sins are Vanity, Provincialism, Narcissism, Laziness, Pettiness, Inanity and Frivolity. You are probably thinking what the heck does that mean? The article gives great examples from real world companies on how each of these can be a down fall.
Vanity - selecting only measurements that will inevitably make management and the company look good
Provincialism - allowing departments to measure narrowly within their own boudaries or silos which leads to suboptimization
Narcissism - measuring from one's own point of view rather than the customers
Laziness - assuming one knows what is important to measure without giving it adequate thougth or effort
Pettiness - measuring only a small component of what matters
Inanity - implementing metrics wihtout giving any thoguht to the consequences of thes metrics on human behavior and enterprise performance.
Frivolity - the sin of not being serious about measurement in the first place
There are great examples in the article about how each of these can adversely impact the business. It really made me rethink our approach to measurement and ask all the other business unit leaders to give it some thought for discussion at our next meeting.
The 7 Deadly Sins are Vanity, Provincialism, Narcissism, Laziness, Pettiness, Inanity and Frivolity. You are probably thinking what the heck does that mean? The article gives great examples from real world companies on how each of these can be a down fall.
Vanity - selecting only measurements that will inevitably make management and the company look good
Provincialism - allowing departments to measure narrowly within their own boudaries or silos which leads to suboptimization
Narcissism - measuring from one's own point of view rather than the customers
Laziness - assuming one knows what is important to measure without giving it adequate thougth or effort
Pettiness - measuring only a small component of what matters
Inanity - implementing metrics wihtout giving any thoguht to the consequences of thes metrics on human behavior and enterprise performance.
Frivolity - the sin of not being serious about measurement in the first place
There are great examples in the article about how each of these can adversely impact the business. It really made me rethink our approach to measurement and ask all the other business unit leaders to give it some thought for discussion at our next meeting.
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
The Language of God
I am currently reading the book "The Language of God" by Francis Collins, the head of the human genome project. He is a scientist and former athiest. Through his work on the human genome project he ultimately turned his view around to one of profound belief in God. Much of the reading that he did to inform his changed viewpoint was written by C.S.Lewis, starting with "Mere Christianity". I am just about half way throught he book so more commentary will come as I finish it up. Please read the comments - I am attaching some links to articles a friend sent that are related to the topic.
Saturday, May 5, 2007
Down and Out
Stress has really had a hold on me for the past few weeks. My blood pressure has been quite high and I've just been feeling down and out. Not much is really different from how things usually are at work. So I wonder what it is that makes a person reach the breaking point. How is it that one day you just wake up and realize that you've had enough. You aren't happy. You don't enjoy your days and all the joy and positive energy is being sucked out of you for a purpose that is solely about money. What makes you break? What makes you stop caring about the money? Is it that you have enough or you realize that there will never be enough unless you let go? Well I reached that point this week. I can't really say what drove me there - it really wasn't any one specific thing. I just hit the wall. I don't know what this is going to mean for me. Its scary. But I know I can't go on the way I have been. It's a relief to come to the decision but it is also incredibly depressing. I think that was the big surprise. I just feel like crying. But the tears won't come out.
Friday, April 20, 2007
Marine salute
http://denver.rockymountainnews.com/news/finalSalute/
Follow the link below to two slideshows on the final salute to fallen Marines at Buckley. I imagine it has sparked controversy from both sides of the fence. The right would say that it inflames the public and stops support for the war and the fight against terrorism. The left would use it as evidence that we should not be in Iraq.
The link was sent to me by my 18 year old daughter, Lindsay, who is studying to be a professional photographer. It says several things to me: only imagines can truly convey the cost of freedom, the honor and respect our military gives to each other is a national treasure that I believe does exist to the same level elsewhere, and that my daughter has chosen to pursue something (photography) that has tremendous power (particularly in the new media world).
Follow the link below to two slideshows on the final salute to fallen Marines at Buckley. I imagine it has sparked controversy from both sides of the fence. The right would say that it inflames the public and stops support for the war and the fight against terrorism. The left would use it as evidence that we should not be in Iraq.
The link was sent to me by my 18 year old daughter, Lindsay, who is studying to be a professional photographer. It says several things to me: only imagines can truly convey the cost of freedom, the honor and respect our military gives to each other is a national treasure that I believe does exist to the same level elsewhere, and that my daughter has chosen to pursue something (photography) that has tremendous power (particularly in the new media world).
Monday, April 16, 2007
Brain Plasticity
I read an article over the weekend in Discover Magazine, May 2007 called The Plastic Brain. The article is primarily about a professor at the University of California at San Francisco named Merzenich and his theories about how to "fix" the brain and reverse the toll of aging on memory. He says his program works by reversing the "negative plasticity" of aging. He posits that older people tend to want an easy life but they don't realize that that is bad for them. Basically as we get older we get lazy and stop working so hard to solve problems or be involved in various interactions so that brain starts to atrophy. It is a really interesting article.
Below is a link to an interview with him about his theories.
http://www.sharpbrains.com/blog/2006/10/09/brain-fitness-programs-posit-sciences-dr-michael-merzenich/
I am thinking about buying the program and checking it out. I will say one thing I have noticed about myself. When I get tired and disengaged in what I am working on, I get lazy. I have noticed when that happens that I have fewer good ideas. When I get sparked by something new and interesting, I find myself making all sorts of new connections and the ideas start to flow. So my non-scientific data supports the concept. I think that why older people who stay engaged and involved do so much better than those that retire without hobbies or outside interests. Being constantly hungry for knowledge and learning new things keeps the brain alive. Wonder if that could create a whole new customer focus for Universities. Maybe they could have programs in a different pricing structure that could target the aging population just to keep there minds fresh and engage in discourse. Wouldn't that be interesting? I would love to go back to school now. I think I would be a much more interesting participant in class. Maybe I would even be able to focus on the chemistry 101 and calculus that I dropped when I was a freshman because they were "a drag".
What do you think?
Below is a link to an interview with him about his theories.
http://www.sharpbrains.com/blog/2006/10/09/brain-fitness-programs-posit-sciences-dr-michael-merzenich/
I am thinking about buying the program and checking it out. I will say one thing I have noticed about myself. When I get tired and disengaged in what I am working on, I get lazy. I have noticed when that happens that I have fewer good ideas. When I get sparked by something new and interesting, I find myself making all sorts of new connections and the ideas start to flow. So my non-scientific data supports the concept. I think that why older people who stay engaged and involved do so much better than those that retire without hobbies or outside interests. Being constantly hungry for knowledge and learning new things keeps the brain alive. Wonder if that could create a whole new customer focus for Universities. Maybe they could have programs in a different pricing structure that could target the aging population just to keep there minds fresh and engage in discourse. Wouldn't that be interesting? I would love to go back to school now. I think I would be a much more interesting participant in class. Maybe I would even be able to focus on the chemistry 101 and calculus that I dropped when I was a freshman because they were "a drag".
What do you think?
Saturday, April 14, 2007
The familiarity of Home
Home. How do you define it? Most of the time I think of home I am thinking of the house that I live in with my family in Colorado. But I just finished reading a book set in the mountains of Kentucky and it really made me think of home. My home in the context of my ROOTS. Who I am. Where I came from. The descriptions of the sounds of water flowing in the creek, the smell of the woods, the smell of the rich earth after a good rain, the greeness of Kentucky that says its alive and the rotting smells that say its dying. These are a part of my soul. It has been many years since I have lived in Kentucky but it still my Home. I was struck by the emotions this book evoked in me. A longing for a place near the woods. A longing for the rich garden earth and a garden planted, tended and grown with my own hands. The simplicity of a life closer to God's creations not in the big city far from the things that are real. How can a person feel such and affinity for a place so long removed from their day to day life? Would I even appreciate it if I were there? Or just ignore it as I do the richness of my current life and the land in and sky in Colorado. Is the nostalgia of something lost or left behind what makes it so special in a persons mind?
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Rowing on the Charles River - teamwork
Last week while I was taking a class at MIT I stayed in a hotel on the Charles River in Cambridge. Every morning I got up and looked out my window to watch the rowing teams practice. It seems so effortless watching them glide along the river. If you've ever tried to row a boat you know it isn't effortless and takes a tremendous amount of hard work. What makes it look so effortless? It the precision and coordination of the team that makes it look so effortless and also reduces the overall workload of each team member.
So I was wondering if people who formerly participated as members of a rowing team would make better employees in a team work environment. If you read this and have any ideas on this I would really like to hear about them. Since we are always trying to hire good people and teamwork is getting more rather than less critical I think this could be an interesting way to recruit candidates.
What do you think?
So I was wondering if people who formerly participated as members of a rowing team would make better employees in a team work environment. If you read this and have any ideas on this I would really like to hear about them. Since we are always trying to hire good people and teamwork is getting more rather than less critical I think this could be an interesting way to recruit candidates.
What do you think?
Monday, April 9, 2007
Easter Snow- Spring - Rebirth
Woke up Easter morning to a blanket of snow. It continued to snow for most of the day. I was so ready for spring that this really threw me off. While the snow is beautiful I am ready for the promise of spring. Easter represents rebirth after death so I expect Easter to be all green and fresh with new buds and fresh grass. Not snow and ice killing the tiny buds that were just coming out. I am in Boston this week and its still cold here. They are expecting snow in the east. I just hope spring is in Denver when I get home on Saturday and stays for good! I am ready to be reborn after the winter.
The Longest Week
Why is the week after you return from vacation always one of the longest weeks of the year. I returned to the office last Monday after a week off, My goodness what a week it was. It took me a couple of days to get jazzed about going in each day. So much can happen in a weeks time. I had to do a lot of smoothing things out. I guess sometimes I don't give myself enough credit for helping things to run smoothly. I am sort of the oil in the engine and it chugs a little bit if I am gone for too long. I do wonder what it will be like in November when I go to New Zealand for two weeks. Thank goodness for email.
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Homemade Cinnamon Sticky Buns
This morning I made homemade cinnamon buns. I was thinking this was going to be a lot of trouble as yeast breads usually are. I was surprised. I got the recipe from a cookbook from the Chico Lodge in Pray, Montana. They must be 1,000 calories a piece. But awesome. You mix 2 1/2 cups plus 2 T. of flour with 1/2 tsp. cinamon, 6 T. sugar, 1 T. instant yeast, 3/4 tsp. salt together in a large mixing bowl. In a pan you heat 3/4 cup of water with 1 1/2 T. unsalted butter and 2 T. plus1/4 tsp. of shortening (crisco) until it is melted and about 120-130 degrees (not to hot or it will kill the yeast). In a small bowl beat one egg and pour the hot water mixture in while whisking. Then you put the dough hook on the mixer and pour the egg/water mixture in to the dry ingredients. You may need to add a little more flour. It will form a dough ball. Put it in a greased bowl, cover with plastic wrap and let it rise in a warm spot for about 40 minutes. While it is rising you mix the cinnamon middle for the rolls - it is 2 sticks of butter (1 lb.) plus 1 cup of brown sugar and 1 1/2 tsp. cinnamon. It forms a paste. Set that aside. Then for the gooey stuff. You beat 1 cup of heavy whipping cream with 1 cup of firmly packed brown sugar until its like the consistency of sour cream. Pour that mixture and spread in the bottom of a 9x13 pan. Now get the dough and roll it out to about 1/8 thick oblong. Spread the butter, sugar, cinnamon mixture all over it. Roll it tight long ways. Then cut it in to inch thick slices and put them the pan almost touching. Cover it with plastic wrap and let it rise for 30 minutes. While it is rising preheat the over to 350 degrees. After it has risen put the rolls in the over and back for 30 minutes. As soon as they are done turn the upside down on to a plate or dish and serve.
I wish I had a picture to show you. They were awesome.
I wish I had a picture to show you. They were awesome.
Do you have to do something big to be living?
I was struck by a few lines in the book I am reading, A Parchment of Leaves. "He talked about going out west and being a railroad engineer and getting rich. Always something like that. He thought you all the time had to be doing something big to be living. Never could set down on the front porch and take a deep breath and feel satisfied that his day had been well spent."
I think I often suffer from this same ailment. Never able to sit still and just enjoy the moment. Enjoy doing nothing or doing something as simple as just sitting. Why is it that some people have a more general sense of contentment than others? Is it something a person can develop over time or will I always be restless? Always thinking I have to be doing something big to be living. I know its not true. Life is in the little moments, the little things - a sigh, a sunrise, a raindrop, a smile, a tear. None of those things are big except a sunrise.
Lord help me find some patience, peace and appreciation for the little things that are THE LIVING in my life.
I think I often suffer from this same ailment. Never able to sit still and just enjoy the moment. Enjoy doing nothing or doing something as simple as just sitting. Why is it that some people have a more general sense of contentment than others? Is it something a person can develop over time or will I always be restless? Always thinking I have to be doing something big to be living. I know its not true. Life is in the little moments, the little things - a sigh, a sunrise, a raindrop, a smile, a tear. None of those things are big except a sunrise.
Lord help me find some patience, peace and appreciation for the little things that are THE LIVING in my life.
Why so many people all at once?
These past two weeks in the news there have been several high profile people who's cancers have returned with a vengeance. Tony Snow, the White House Press Secretary and Elizabeth Edwards, wife of presidential candidate John Edwards to name two. Both of their cancers have spread to other organs in their bodies and the prospects do not look so promising. Taken alone this seems just like something that could happen any time. It seems odd to be because I also know several other instances in the last 30 days or so of people with cancer showing up or returning with a vengeance. My mother's good friend had ovarian cancer. She had been doing really well. I found out last week that it was back and she's in intensive care on a feeding tube and not likely to make it. Another friend told me her good friend's child wasn't feeling well, went to the doctor, found out she had Leukemia and died the next week. A friend from work's Dad's cancer spread to his brain recently and his prospects are not good. Another friend's mother was diagnosed with cancer in several organs and is undergoing rigorous chemo treatments. Maybe this isn't out of the ordinary, it just seems odd to me that I go for long periods of time without anyone I know mentioning cancer and then all these people at once. It just seems odd. Maybe its just my age and the fact that as you get older you have the possibility of knowing more people with the possibility of getting cancer because they are older. Anyway, it sure seems like a bad streak for all these people. I wonder if they have anything in common.
Friday, March 30, 2007
Jumping out of my skin!
Last night at 2am the alarm system went off in our house. Talk about making you jump out of your skin. We got up and turned off the alarm and turned on all the lights. We were looking around and trying to figure out what triggered it. When you are sound asleep and something like that wakes you up it really gets your adrenaline pumping. The alarm company called and stayed on the phone while we looked around. John looked up the alarm zones and figured out that it was a window alarm that set it off. We've been doing basement work so we were thinking maybe something got left ajar or who knows. We were afraid to go in the basement though so we had the alarm company dispatch the Sheriff. He came out and looked in the basement and all around the perimeter of the house. Nothing. So we went back to bed. Needless to say its hard to go back to sleep after that. Then the alarm company called at 7am to make sure everything was okay and trouble shoot. While that was thoughtfull we were still asleep trying to recover from the middle of the night wake up.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Where have all the Honey Bees gone?
I was listening to NPR today to a story about declining honey bee populations and the possible implications on the food supply. There may not be enough bees to pollinate the crops this year. About 30% of the food consumed by US consumers requires bees for pollination. This was an interesting story. But it is a story I recall hearing every spring for at least the past several years. Each time it seems that concerned groups of farmers and bee keepers are speaking to some panel in Washington about the problem. Each time the story is pretty much the same. They don't know why. It could be this new pesticide that causes insects to become disoriented - thus bees would not be able to find and return to their hives. This seems plausible since the hives are being abandoned rather than filled with dead bees. So the bees aren't dying in the hives. So what happens if we don't figure out what is happening to the bees and eventually there are not enough? Here is a link a to a National Geographic article. It says it could be due to diseases passed on by mites. It also says there are normal ebbs and flows in the bee population but this one appears more pronounced.
I don't know about you but when I was a kid I was really afraid of bees. My kids are scared to death of them. Funny for something to be so essential, so tiny, so vulnerable to external influences and yet SO SCARY. I for one hope the bees come back. I like my flowers, a good tomato and all the other goodies of the garden that require these little critters to produce. Let's hear it for the Bees! And maybe next year when this story comes out in the news there will be a story about being closer to a solution to the decline.
http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2004/10/1005_041005_honeybees.html
This is an interesting article about the honey bee and it talks about the life cycle of the bee.
It also has some interesting pictures of a bee pollinating a flower.
http://www.cirrusimage.com/bees_honey.htm
See I was right. I've been seeing this for years. Below one from '99 and one from '00. In the last century the bee population has declined by more than 50%.
http://archives.cnn.com/2000/NATURE/05/05/pollinators.peril/
See here's a story from 1999 about the decline. There was hope that a solution to kill the mites would help the bee decline. I guess it didn't work. So maybe it is the pesticide.
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/1999/09/990930071452.htm
Here are the words to The Bee Song - written in 1938 by Kenneth Blain
http://ingeb.org/songs/owhatagl.html
And if you really want to get carried away......
Muddy Waters has a song called Honey Bee. You can get it from http://www.itunes.com/ or http://www.amazon.com/ . If you aren't familiar with Muddy Waters, well, he's a famous Blues singer. "Sail on Honey Bee".
I don't know about you but when I was a kid I was really afraid of bees. My kids are scared to death of them. Funny for something to be so essential, so tiny, so vulnerable to external influences and yet SO SCARY. I for one hope the bees come back. I like my flowers, a good tomato and all the other goodies of the garden that require these little critters to produce. Let's hear it for the Bees! And maybe next year when this story comes out in the news there will be a story about being closer to a solution to the decline.
http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2004/10/1005_041005_honeybees.html
This is an interesting article about the honey bee and it talks about the life cycle of the bee.
It also has some interesting pictures of a bee pollinating a flower.
http://www.cirrusimage.com/bees_honey.htm
See I was right. I've been seeing this for years. Below one from '99 and one from '00. In the last century the bee population has declined by more than 50%.
http://archives.cnn.com/2000/NATURE/05/05/pollinators.peril/
See here's a story from 1999 about the decline. There was hope that a solution to kill the mites would help the bee decline. I guess it didn't work. So maybe it is the pesticide.
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/1999/09/990930071452.htm
Here are the words to The Bee Song - written in 1938 by Kenneth Blain
http://ingeb.org/songs/owhatagl.html
And if you really want to get carried away......
Muddy Waters has a song called Honey Bee. You can get it from http://www.itunes.com/ or http://www.amazon.com/ . If you aren't familiar with Muddy Waters, well, he's a famous Blues singer. "Sail on Honey Bee".
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Spring Cleaning
Clutter drives me nuts. If you came to my house you would not realize it. There is clutter everywhere. Piles of old mail waiting for something - I'm not sure what. Piles of the kids things on the stairs, waiting in vane to be carried up the stairs and put away. Piles of cookbooks I've had out and can't find room for in the cookbook self. Piles of old school papers, clothes in the closet, magazines that must be years old. Why do we hang on to all these things? Does it really only bother me? Nobody else seems to notice or care. I go to the neighbors and they don't have these piles. I go to friends houses and they don't have this clutter. So why us?
How can we solve this problem? I am looking for some help. From the experts, from my family, from anybody. I joined the freecycle yahoo group in my town. You can list things there that you want to give away. The kids are thinking about having a garage sale but they never do. So this week while I have a few days off I think I will try to work on just one room and remove some of the clutter. I started in the bathroom this afternoon and emptied out two drawers and the cabinet. I threw out old vitamins, prescriptions, lotions, broken hair clips and makeup samples that must be at least two years old. Why am I compelled to take these samples at the stores? I NEVER use them.
I bought a book on cleaning up the clutter. It is now cluttering up the floor of my bathroom. It says you should go one room at a time. This month's Real Simple has an article about lightening up. It says to start by throwing out the physical stuff. Go through drawers, wallet, purse, etc and toss anything that depresses or dimishes you. What does that mean? How can stuff in your purse diminish you? I am afraid I am not going to be able to figure that one out. I got on this purse kick last summer and now instead of one purse I have about 10. They are now adding to the clutter. I guess if I have to go through them all I can probably find some stuff to throw out. Oh yeah, and you are supposed to make a list of the things you are throwing away. That seems like extra work. Its hard enough to do the throwing out part without having to make a list.
Anyway, I am going to get up early tomorrow and unclutter something in my house. I am not sure what yet but something. I think it will make me feel better - at least temporarily. Until.........well you know. The clutter builds up again.
How can we solve this problem? I am looking for some help. From the experts, from my family, from anybody. I joined the freecycle yahoo group in my town. You can list things there that you want to give away. The kids are thinking about having a garage sale but they never do. So this week while I have a few days off I think I will try to work on just one room and remove some of the clutter. I started in the bathroom this afternoon and emptied out two drawers and the cabinet. I threw out old vitamins, prescriptions, lotions, broken hair clips and makeup samples that must be at least two years old. Why am I compelled to take these samples at the stores? I NEVER use them.
I bought a book on cleaning up the clutter. It is now cluttering up the floor of my bathroom. It says you should go one room at a time. This month's Real Simple has an article about lightening up. It says to start by throwing out the physical stuff. Go through drawers, wallet, purse, etc and toss anything that depresses or dimishes you. What does that mean? How can stuff in your purse diminish you? I am afraid I am not going to be able to figure that one out. I got on this purse kick last summer and now instead of one purse I have about 10. They are now adding to the clutter. I guess if I have to go through them all I can probably find some stuff to throw out. Oh yeah, and you are supposed to make a list of the things you are throwing away. That seems like extra work. Its hard enough to do the throwing out part without having to make a list.
Anyway, I am going to get up early tomorrow and unclutter something in my house. I am not sure what yet but something. I think it will make me feel better - at least temporarily. Until.........well you know. The clutter builds up again.
Grocery Shopping, Strawberries, Peaches and My favorite Pasta Recipe
I haven't been to the grocery in a couple of weeks. This is a ritual I really miss. Today I am sort of on vacation - doing a little work from home and a few phone calls - but otherwise on vacation. I can't wait to plan out the meals for the next few days and go shopping. I just love wandering through the produce department looking at all the fruits and vegetables and imaging what they will taste like in my meal. I know it sounds goofy but I love fresh food. After 4 days in a car in Yellowstone eating food out of packages and restaurant meals I am ready for some home cooking and some fresh fruit. Its been a rough spring so far for the fresh fruit! Strawberries in California and Florida suffered from a late freeze and there haven't been any really good strawberries this season. They are my favorite when they are sweet and juicy. I could eat bowls and bowls of them. But this year they have no flavor. Just bland. My next favorite are the west slope Peaches from Colorado. If you've never had them you must! They are the sweetest, juiciest peaches I've ever had. They won't be ready until late July and early August. We each peaches almost three meals a day during that season. I buy them by the box from the road side vendors or at the farmer's market.
Tonight I think I will make my favorite pasta. Its light and easy and delicious. Even the little kids like it. Cook your spaghetti or capellini. While it is cooking you finely dice fresh roma tomatoes (about 1 lb. to 1 1/2 lbs.), fresh basil (2-3T), fresh marjoram (2 tsp.), fresh oregano (2 tsp.) fresh thyme (2 tsp), and cubes of fresh mozzarella. Put all those ingredients in the bottom of a large bowl. Then heat about 1/3 to 1/2 cup of Extra Virgin Olive Oil in a pan with one minced garlic clove. Heat until the garlic sizzles then set aside. When the pasta is cooked drain and put in the bowl with the diced ingredients and pour the warm oil over it and toss. Its delicious! And very light.
Tonight I think I will make my favorite pasta. Its light and easy and delicious. Even the little kids like it. Cook your spaghetti or capellini. While it is cooking you finely dice fresh roma tomatoes (about 1 lb. to 1 1/2 lbs.), fresh basil (2-3T), fresh marjoram (2 tsp.), fresh oregano (2 tsp.) fresh thyme (2 tsp), and cubes of fresh mozzarella. Put all those ingredients in the bottom of a large bowl. Then heat about 1/3 to 1/2 cup of Extra Virgin Olive Oil in a pan with one minced garlic clove. Heat until the garlic sizzles then set aside. When the pasta is cooked drain and put in the bowl with the diced ingredients and pour the warm oil over it and toss. Its delicious! And very light.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Why Does the Cycle Keep Repeating?
Throughout my life my mother and I could never spend more than a day or two together without getting on each others nerves and starting to snap at each other. I always felt like my mother was telling me what to do and I didn't like and frankly I was mean to her in response. All she wanted to do was know more about my life and I withheld information out of spite. Our relationship would get better from time to time but anytime we were together for very long we would be at each others throats so to speak. I loved her so much but never really showed her all that well that I did. I would never give her a hug when she wanted one. I always wished it were different but I never had the willpower to change it. I think we both had trouble changing the way we talked to each other and reacted to each other. In the end when she was dying and I spent the last two weeks with her this was not the case. I am not really sure why. Perhaps because I knew I was losing her. Perhaps because she was so helpless and I finally realized how much she really needed my love and support. I was glad for those last two weeks.
So why is it that my daughter and I are repeating this same cycle. We can't seem to be together for more than a few hours without being at each others throats. She takes everything I say the wrong way and witholds information in the same way I used to with my mother. She says things that hurt me the way I did with my mother. And I am sure everything I say seems like I am trying to tell her what to do. I wished for something more but maybe we are doomed to have the same relationship. Never getting a hug when with either of us want or need one and always at each others throats. How sad to love someone so much and only cause them grief.
I guess time will tell and we'll keep trying.
So why is it that my daughter and I are repeating this same cycle. We can't seem to be together for more than a few hours without being at each others throats. She takes everything I say the wrong way and witholds information in the same way I used to with my mother. She says things that hurt me the way I did with my mother. And I am sure everything I say seems like I am trying to tell her what to do. I wished for something more but maybe we are doomed to have the same relationship. Never getting a hug when with either of us want or need one and always at each others throats. How sad to love someone so much and only cause them grief.
I guess time will tell and we'll keep trying.
Monday, March 26, 2007
Life at the Speed of Dial Up
I don't know if you are familiar with the commercial for Comcast with the two turtles but the Internet speed here at the Best Western in Gardiner, Montana would make those two turtles happy. Actually most of this little town in Montana moves at a much slower speed. I wonder how many little towns in America are like this. We went to the grocery store yesterday morning before heading to the Park. Mary Mac loved it! She said it was the best little tiny grocery store she had ever seen. Why didn't we have one in our town? There are a few motels, a few cabins, three or four bars, a couple of gas stations and only 2 restaurants open this time of year. I think you can get food at one of the bars but not with kids. The speed limit in town is 25 and the few cars going through town probably don't even drive that fast. You wouldn't want to go much faster or you might hit a deer. I almost did night before last.
We are leaving tomorrow afternoon. I think we'll just relax and do nothing in the morning before driving back to Bozeman. Maybe we can stop in one of the other little towns along the way on the way back - we saw a sign for Emigrant, Pray and Livingston. Livingston is actually pretty large in comparison to where we are. So the Internet isn't fast, my wireless card and my cell phone don't work. Well maybe if they did I would have never slowed down. It was nice for a change.
We are leaving tomorrow afternoon. I think we'll just relax and do nothing in the morning before driving back to Bozeman. Maybe we can stop in one of the other little towns along the way on the way back - we saw a sign for Emigrant, Pray and Livingston. Livingston is actually pretty large in comparison to where we are. So the Internet isn't fast, my wireless card and my cell phone don't work. Well maybe if they did I would have never slowed down. It was nice for a change.
Both sides of town
John and I decided to grab a bite to eat in town while the kids stayed in the room and ate leftover pizza. We stopped at the Two Bit Saloon but it was already 2:30 and the grill was closed until 4:00. We decided to have a beer instead. We were the only people in there and we started talking to the bartender. He lives up in Jardine which is about 5 miles out of Gardiner and pretty rustic. He was watching a hunting show so we talked a little and listened a lot about hunting. He told us some tales about hunting deer and showed us some photos and then told us about being tracked by a mountain lion once while he was elk hunting. We told him we had been out watching the wolves that morning and that got him going. He says the wolves never were extinct in the area and didn't need to be brought back. The elk herd in the park used to be 19,000 and now it is 9,000 because of the wolves. He didn't really say how many elk the park could sustain. He did say that it could only sustain 2,000 buffalo and the herd is 4,500 but the wolves can't do much damage in the way of thinning the buffalo. So now they have a buffalo hunting season for the ones that leave the park. It was clear that the wolves weren't too popular. John bought so flies by a local fisherman that they were selling behind the bar and then we headed to the other side of town for a sandwich. We went to the Tumbleweed Cafe and Bookstore - like something out of Boulder, Colorado..... organic food, teas, used books,etc. They had a card right by the cash register with all the information about the various wolf packs in the park and where they each roam. Clearly they had a different opinion of the wolves that the bartender at the Two Bit. I guess it takes all kinds.
Druid Pack
We got up early this morning and drove in to the park before dawn. The kids slept. We found a group of people with spotting scopes on a ridge in the Lamar Valley. We climbed up the ridge with our borrowed scope and set up. They were all watching a pack of wolves called the Druid Pack. There were ten in the pack and they were playing. Sliding on the snow and playing chase with each other while the mother and father watched. The mother's belly was extra large so she must be expecting soon. John when down and got the kids and they watched for a while too. That was most of the morning. Then we headed back to the Mammoth area and hiked the upper loop while John napped in the car. Most of the features along the road are no longer active. On the way back we stopped at a place called Boiling River which flows in to the Gardiner River. There is a hot spring in the river where you can bath if you want to. John, Jack and I walked up to the spring while the girls stayed in the car.
Day 2 Yellowstone
Driving the park looking for wildlife and scenery to photograph. It was a long day any way you look at it. We left around 9:30 in the morning and did not get back until 6:30. A long day in the car. We saw lots of animals including a wolf eating its kill high up on a ridge. There was lots to photograph. But it was actually a very sad day for me. I was glad to go to bed at the end of the day.
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Gardiner, Montana - Yellowstone Day 1
We arrived in Montana about 10:30. It was a beautiful sunny morning in Bozeman. We drove from Bozeman to Gardiner and arrived about 2:00. We stopped at a few fly shops along the way though so it took a little longer than it might have otherwise but we were not in hurry. Our room wasn't ready so we decided to go on it to the park. We were expecting that there would still be a lot of snow but there wasn't. We spent the afternoon at Mammoth Hot Springs. It has been about 9 years since we' ve been to Yellowstone. From my memory it seems that much of the Mammoth Hot Springs are no longer active. I don't know if it is a seasonal thing or they are just dying. We got some good photos though. Then we drove around and bit and say buffalo, elk, deer and antelope. Since we have all four of these in Colorado the sitings were not as dramatic as they were the first trip. But it was still fun. We rode along side a Buffalo for a small stretch of the road. John was afraid that he was going to turn and butt the car but he never did. I couldn't get a good picture of him because he was on John's side of the car.
Than and Then
I have a pet peeve about the proper use of some words in the English language. For the last few years it seems that I see more and more improper use of the word then. I have seen it from all sorts of people - people with Master's degrees and people with less education than that. We landed in Bozeman, MT today and went to the Avis rent a car location. Posted on the front door of their office was a note stating, "Less then $50 cash on premises". It curls the hair on the back of my neck. I don't know why. I know it is a trivial matter but still it drives me crazy. "Than" is supposed to be used when comparing - less than, more than, I would rather go here than there. Then is supposed to be used in reference to time. For example, then we went to the store or then I left. While I haven't gone to the dictionary to give the actual definitions I think you get the point. So why do so many people use the word then the wrong way.
Friday, March 23, 2007
Coming Down with a Cold
It seems like every time I get ready to go on vacation I end up getting sick. Why do you suppose that happens. I have been fighting this off for several weeks with various aids - vitamins, herbs, supplements, rest and doing a pretty good job of it. Then "bam" the day before my vacation I come down with a full blown cold. It stinks.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Butterfly Chops
I just finished grilling some delicious chops. Usually when I make chops they are too dry and don't taste very good. I decided to modify a recipe I found in an old Martha Stewart Living magazine. I made a rub of about 5 minced or finely chopped garlic cloves, 3 tsp. Kosher salt, 3/4 tsp. of medium grind pepper, 2 tsp. finely chopped fresh oregano, about 4 leaves of Thai basil - finely chopped and about a tsp or so of finely chopped fresh thyme. I mixed those ingredients up and then poured about 2-3 Tablespoons of olive oil in and stirred it up. I rubbed this mixture on the chops and let them sit for about 5 minutes. Then I grilled them and was careful not to leave them on too long - my usual mistake.
Anyway, they were so juicy and the flavor was outstanding- the combination of the herbs, garlic and salt were really good. I surprised myself with my made up combination. The Martha Stewart recipe called for Sage - instead of the mixture of herbs I used. Anyway, you might want to try it on some butterfly chops or a pork tenderloin.
Anyway, they were so juicy and the flavor was outstanding- the combination of the herbs, garlic and salt were really good. I surprised myself with my made up combination. The Martha Stewart recipe called for Sage - instead of the mixture of herbs I used. Anyway, you might want to try it on some butterfly chops or a pork tenderloin.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
I'm fried- back from NY
This week we had an investor conference in New York. About 85 analysts and investors came to hear us do a pitch on the company's vision and strategy. We flew in on Sunday, practiced all afternoon, practiced some the next morning and then did the show in the afternoon. It was webcast but I am not really sure how many people listened in to that. I was surprised at how amazingly calm I was standing up on stage doing my part of the presentation. The day we practiced my voice had been a little shakey so I was thinking I would probably be nervous. But I wasn't at all. I think it went pretty well but we'll see what the sell-side analysts have to say about us in the write ups this week. I think they don't give us enough credit for all the value we are creating/have created. Anyway, I am fried and glad to have it over - until next year.
Character shaping moment - Ethical Dilemma
Yesterday I was reading an article in the March 2007 issue of the Harvard Business Review which reminded me of a key lesson or defining moment in my youth. The article was about Ethics. It discusses the changing landscape of business and ethics and the public’s perception as to whether or not business leaders are trustworthy. It goes on to discuss the development of the “ethical mind”. His work is outlined further at (I have to get another link - the one in the article was not accurate). One of the key points made in the article is that the ethical mind begins at home. This is where children see the examples of fair play, honestly, etc. But this is just where the foundation is laid. As they grow older their peers begin to set examples or place pressures that can either support to tear down the foundation that was set at home. At this point in the article there is a reference to a recent Duke University study that found that 56% of students in US master’s degree programs admit to cheating. The article discusses the point of view that the current level of competitiveness has resulted in these sorts of pressures and these students feel in order to compete with someone who is cheating, they must cheap, thus making it an acceptable practice. The authors point is that this phenomenon is recent. Because of the defining moment for me, that I referred to above I suggest that this isn’t a recent phenomenon.
When I was a senior in high school I was a very good student. In the spring semester of my last year I was tied for the advanced math award with a guy named Gaines Webster. Our home room teach was also our math teacher. We had just taken a test and were hoping to get our scores that morning in home room. Ms. Leathers had not graded the tests but she handing us both the answer key and told us we could check to see how we had done. She trusted us. She left the room for some other purpose and left us to review how we had done. I watched as Gaines matched his paper to the test and noticed him erasing and correcting. He was cheating. I knew he would win the award if he made a higher grade on this test. When it was my turn to review my test, I did the same thing – just as the Duke study found – I cheated because I did not want to be beaten by someone else who had cheated. We both put our tests back in the pile and went on about our day.
All day long this awful feeling was building in the pit of my stomach. When I got home after school I went to my mother and I told her what I had done. I don’t remember much about what I said to her or how I felt before I told her. I wasn’t sure what she would say. She looked at me and said, “What are you going to do about it?” I wasn’t expecting that but I said I guessed I would go to the teacher’s house and tell her what I had done. This was a rather frightening prospect given the history and facts surrounding this particular teacher. She had taught both my mother and my father in high school and was the wife of the Superintendent of Schools. I was physically sick at the prospect. I assumed that I would be given an F on the test and stripped of my National Honor Society and French Honor Society membership. I wondered if other penalties might be applied. I wanted to throw up.
I drove down to her home after dinner and knocked on the door. Mr. Leathers, the Superintendent, answered the door and invited me in. He said that she had run out for a few minutes but would be back shortly. He asked me to sit down and I tried to make small talk with him for about 20 minutes while I waited for her to return. When she finally arrived and walked through the door I burst in to tears and spilled out my awful story, except that I left out an reference to Gaines. She went over to her test papers and pulled mine out. She said, “Change your answers back. What you did by coming here has taught you more than any punishment I might give you and it has shown and tremendous amount of courage and character.” I thanked her and changed my answers back. She asked me if anyone else was involved, I think she suspected after so many years in teaching that I would not have done this without something/someone else pushing me in that direction. I told her that there wasn’t. Over the years I have struggled with not telling her the whole truth. I felt that Gaines would have to live with himself and suffer his own consequences but that wasn’t up to me. He ended up winning the advanced math award that year but I knew that he did not deserve it.
This was really a defining moment in the shaping of my character and “ethical mind”. My mother and father had set great examples over the years for me but when the moment of reckoning came, my mother did not tell me what to do. She trusted me to do the right thing and allowed me to chose what I was going to do. She knew that they had taught me well and I would make the right choice.
Mrs. Leathers attended my mother’s funeral last year and a few months later she passed away herself. I wish that I could have gone back home to her funeral.
What is one of your defining moments?
When I was a senior in high school I was a very good student. In the spring semester of my last year I was tied for the advanced math award with a guy named Gaines Webster. Our home room teach was also our math teacher. We had just taken a test and were hoping to get our scores that morning in home room. Ms. Leathers had not graded the tests but she handing us both the answer key and told us we could check to see how we had done. She trusted us. She left the room for some other purpose and left us to review how we had done. I watched as Gaines matched his paper to the test and noticed him erasing and correcting. He was cheating. I knew he would win the award if he made a higher grade on this test. When it was my turn to review my test, I did the same thing – just as the Duke study found – I cheated because I did not want to be beaten by someone else who had cheated. We both put our tests back in the pile and went on about our day.
All day long this awful feeling was building in the pit of my stomach. When I got home after school I went to my mother and I told her what I had done. I don’t remember much about what I said to her or how I felt before I told her. I wasn’t sure what she would say. She looked at me and said, “What are you going to do about it?” I wasn’t expecting that but I said I guessed I would go to the teacher’s house and tell her what I had done. This was a rather frightening prospect given the history and facts surrounding this particular teacher. She had taught both my mother and my father in high school and was the wife of the Superintendent of Schools. I was physically sick at the prospect. I assumed that I would be given an F on the test and stripped of my National Honor Society and French Honor Society membership. I wondered if other penalties might be applied. I wanted to throw up.
I drove down to her home after dinner and knocked on the door. Mr. Leathers, the Superintendent, answered the door and invited me in. He said that she had run out for a few minutes but would be back shortly. He asked me to sit down and I tried to make small talk with him for about 20 minutes while I waited for her to return. When she finally arrived and walked through the door I burst in to tears and spilled out my awful story, except that I left out an reference to Gaines. She went over to her test papers and pulled mine out. She said, “Change your answers back. What you did by coming here has taught you more than any punishment I might give you and it has shown and tremendous amount of courage and character.” I thanked her and changed my answers back. She asked me if anyone else was involved, I think she suspected after so many years in teaching that I would not have done this without something/someone else pushing me in that direction. I told her that there wasn’t. Over the years I have struggled with not telling her the whole truth. I felt that Gaines would have to live with himself and suffer his own consequences but that wasn’t up to me. He ended up winning the advanced math award that year but I knew that he did not deserve it.
This was really a defining moment in the shaping of my character and “ethical mind”. My mother and father had set great examples over the years for me but when the moment of reckoning came, my mother did not tell me what to do. She trusted me to do the right thing and allowed me to chose what I was going to do. She knew that they had taught me well and I would make the right choice.
Mrs. Leathers attended my mother’s funeral last year and a few months later she passed away herself. I wish that I could have gone back home to her funeral.
What is one of your defining moments?
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