Decision Time

Late yesterday afternoon the Hospice nurse came to take my Dad's blood. She called back with the results and the doctor wanted him to go to the hospital in an ambulance to get a transfusion as his hemoglobin was only 6 and his platelets were only 3. My brother had just left to go back to the airport and my Dad had promised to try to stay alive until he could return on Monday. So Daddy agreed to go to the hospital but not in an ambulance. The nurse and social worker came over and helped me get him in the car and we started the drive to Lexington. I was upset because I knew if we went to the hospital he would never get out, they would never let him rest peacefully and he did not want to die in hospital. My brother called when we were over half way there and his plane had been delayed. I told him that they only reason we were going to the hospital was because my Dad wanted to wait for him to get back. So he decided to leave the airport and come back home. We made a U-turn at Keeneland and started driving back home.
I called the doctor and asked how long we have if he doesn't get the transfusion. She said it would probably be less than 48 hours. I called Father Chuck and he said he would meet us at the house.
We got home and my Dad's friend, Brock, helped us get in the house and stayed to visit. He had just driven in from South Carolina.
Helen, the woman who has helped my parent's with cleaning for many years had been at the house earlier in the day. My Dad had wanted a piece of coconut cream pie. So she went home that afternoon and cooked a pie and fried chicken, mashed potatoes, country style green beans and corn. She brought it over and my Dad sat at the table and ate a nice meal and had some pie. He stayed up for an hour or so talking about his family and my mother to Father Chuck and all of us. It was a nice time.
My brother and I took turns through the night checking on him and sitting with him. This morning he got up and I cooked him a poached egg and some toast. He sure is alert for somebody with no blood in his body and just a few hours left.
I wrote his eulogy for him last night and read it to him so he would know what I was going to say about him. He sure is a fine man and the best father in the world.

Long Day's Journey into Night

Yesterday I took my Dad in for a tranfusion - 2 units of red blood cells and a 12 pack of plasma. Both hemoglobin and platelets were low. It took most of the day so I had to go back to Frankfort and get several things done on a house we sold that afternoon. When I got back he was short of breath and had been for a while. They did a chest xray, ekg and some more blood work and decided they needed to keep him overnight. I was supposed to fly to Atlanta for the day today to meet with some investors. I tossed and turned most of the night trying to figure out what to do - my brother was trying to make arrangements to fly in for the morning. Finally around 3am I decided it was nuts to try to fly to Atlanta so I left them a message and called my brother to tell him not to come. Went in this morning to get my Dad. Turns out yesterday's transfusions did not do much and they wanted to give him some more blood today. He said no. He just wanted to come home. So we came home. He went to bed and spent the afternoon on the phone with the guys from Atlanta. They are going to fly to Lexington tomorrow to meet with me so I guess they must be pretty interested to go to all that effort. Daddy rested most of the afternoon. He says he's ready to "have his ticket punched". He got up around 8 and ate some soup. Then he asked me to sit with him in his room for a while. So we just sat and talked a little and I rubbed his back for a while. I hope he sleeps well tonight. I am going to bed soon because I can sure use a good night's rest too. I have a cold that I caught from a woman on the plane back from New Jersey. Like I need to be sick right now.
I could use some humor, if anybody has some humor please send a smile my way.

On a plane

I just put my family on the plane to go back home. I did a pretty good job of holding things in. I always seem to cry the most when Lindsay leaves in times like these. She's the one person in my life who knew my parents in a way that is deep enough to feel the same loss I am feeling. I want so much to hold her and for her to want to hold me so that we could make each other feel better. She let me hug her but didn't hug be back. That's an improvement over when my mother died. I wonder what is going on in her mind. I know how glad my father was to see her. She's his "punky brester". He has such fond memories of her childhood - taking her out for a grilled cheese and ice cream at Cliffside, just hanging out.
It was wonderful to have them all here this weekend. I stayed at the hotel with them so it was nice to have a break from my Dad's house at night. He seemed better this weekend - maybe that WAS because Lindsay is magic.
Tomorrow is another day. We have a blood test and the doctor. I think my Dad will still have a transfusion tomorrow, but he might decide not to. I respect his decision either way except with me leaving for the day on Wednesday I hope he has one. He will feel better for a few days with some new "red cells". We are going to have Hospice come in a talk to us on Tuesday. They may be able to provide a volunteer for the day or at least part of the day on Wednesday.
The deal seems to be moving along but it is really hard to juggle that with everything else that is going on. At the end of the day if I don't get the deal it won't be the end of the world. Family is much more important than any amount of money or deal in the world. Always keep things in perspective.

Quantity vs Quality

For me quality of life is much more important than quantity. It is the same for my Dad. I wonder what makes some people want quantity regardless of quality? It sort of made me think of that case in Florida a few years ago.

If anyone is reading this - what would you choose? Quality? Quantity?

Update

This past week we confirmed that my Dad's disease has changed in to Acute Leukemia. There are treatments for this, however, they only provide quantity of life not quality of life. My Dad has always been an active person and really isn't interested in prolonging his life if it just means laying in bed in pain for feeling sick from the treatments. I can't say that I would make a different choice. I wonder sometimes when working with the medical profession if they think about the hypocratic oath when treating their patients. I think it says something about "first do no harm". Its sort of like the prime directive from Star Trek if you happen to be a fan.

In the past several days my Dad has stopped taking a lot of his medicines - insulin, heart medications, antibiotics, etc. Many of them make his sick to his stomach because he's not eating much and they don't do well on an empty stomach. He's mostly just taking the pain medication now.

On Thursday my brother's family came in to say goodbye and stayed through Friday morning. On Friday night my family arrived. They are leaving tonight. It has been nice to have them here. I stayed over at the hotel with them for the past two nights and my brother stayed with my Dad. My Dad is sort of possessive of me and probably would have rather I did not go stay at the hotel but my brother is perfectly capable. Its kind of strange how much Daddy depends on me and always calls out for me when he wants something. Normally, I would find this distracting and irritating because it seems to be the story of my life - someone always calling out and wanting something from me - but in this case I seem to be doing just fine. Perhaps it is a lesson. Though I do recall a similar thing when my mother was dying. She had a bell she would ring. They expect you to be right at the door the instant they call your name or ring the bell. If you are in the middle of something that's just not realistic.

For the last two days he seems like he's a little better. That may be due to the new pain patch we were able to get him. Lindsay says its because she's here and she's magic. I know that my Dad was really glad that she was coming. He's very close to her.

Yesterday one of Dad's old hunting buddies came by and visited. They sat back in my Dad's room for over an hour talking about the old days when they went hunting together and other stuff. I think my Dad really enjoyed it. I have to fly out for a day trip on Wednesday. They may go for a drive out to his farm while I am traveling that day. I hope my Dad feels like going. I think that would be good for him.