Recycling

I never got back to uploading the rest of my photos from Peru and writing about Machu Picchu, maybe tomorrow. I was going through some old files and cleaning out my desk yesterday and I came across some recycling tips. I thought I would share some of these great ideas for recycling or reusing items that are past their usefulness to you but perhaps not for someone else.

Cars, boats, trailers, rv's and motorcycles - you can always donate the car to a charity or you can use www.junkmycar.org. They will pick it or any other heavy equipment up and take it away. You won't get a write off but you will get rid of it. If you want the tax deduction then donate it NPR or any number of charities out there that will take them.

Cell phones - fewer than 20% of these are recycled (so sad). You can find cell phone charities on www.recyclewirelessphones.com

Computers - most manufacturers will take them for recycling - you will pay the shipping though - check www.mygreenelectronics.com
or donate them to charity - you can find charities that accept them at www.sharetechnology.org


I love this one because I have kids and years of collected crayons - you can recycle your crayons at www.crazycrayons.com/
They will melt them down and turn them in to new crayons. Fun!

Freecycle - this is one of my favorites and it goes for pretty much anything you no longer want. Go to Yahoo Groups and sign up for your local freecycle group. You post items that you no longer want on the group bulletin board and other people who want them will email you and come by and pick them up. I have used this a lot and its great. Everything ends up going in just a day or two. You can take stuff to goodwill but then you have to load it up and take. This way, the people who need or want it get it directly. You can also post items that you want and people who may have one they aren't using anymore will donate. Like a missing computer cord or something like that. It is wonderful.

Books - I donate mine to the local public library - some they put in to circulation, others they sell to raise funds.

Carpet - www.carpetrecovery.org click on "what can I do with my old carpet"

Shoes is good condition - www.soles4souls.org - we did a big shoe drive one year at work and donated all the shoes to this organization. They distribute to the needy. Also, Nike accepts old shoes to donate for inner city sports venues - www.letmeplay.com/reuseashoe

Check out www.earth911.org this is a great overall resource for recycling and being green.

Tyvek - this is the stuff that some Fedex envelopes are made of as well as the wrap used to insulate new homes under construction. Dupont is the manufacturer and they accept Tyvek for recycling into the plastic lumber used in decking. Mail them to Tyvek Recycle, 2400 Elliham Ave #A, Richmond, VA 23237 - if you have large volume you may want to call ahead and get more specific instructions. Check their website.

Phonebooks - www.yellowpages.com/recycle

Prescription drugs - wish I had known about this one last year when my Dad died. The Starfish Project www.thestarfishproject.org They recycle meds to clinics in Nigeria - they won't take everything - check the website on what they will take and they will send you a prepaid envelope.

Christmas lights - wish I had this last week when I threw out some old lights! Ship your old lights to HolidayLEDs.com, Attention:Recycling program, 120 W. Michigan Avenue, Suite 1403, Jackson, MI 49201. They will send you a coupon for a discount on new LED lights which are much more energy efficient. Ace Hardware Stores also accept lights - just check their website for a location near you. www.acehardware.com

General recycling info - if you are separating your plastic, paper and cans - make sure you wash out food residue from cans and bottles - this can make the process more cumbersome and less profitable - causing some cities to halt their programs. Check to see what kind of paper your local hauler accepts. Ours only takes newsprint - not magazines or cardboard.

Here's to a greener earth. Happy Holidays

PPA Family in Peru

I am in Peru with Global Volunteers, an organization based in the US that covers programs in about 25 countries. Our volunteer group is #66 for Peru and we are a small group. Kelly and I are from Colorado and Pauline is from Chicago. Kelly was with us for a week and Pauline and I are two weeks. Edith is our team leader. She is the most amazing person. She's just 27 years old but has the wisdom of a much older person. She has the most wonderful laugh. I want to capture it on my video so that I can bring it back with me to cheer me up when I am down. She is always so positive and upbeat. She does so much for the children with so little and she cares so much for them. She is a real gem. I can't begin to describe her. You can see from the photos that she is small in statue (shorter than I am) but she has the biggest heart. The PPA is a very large campus that was built at on a cliff overlooking the Pacific Ocean. The view is primarily blocked by trees and fences as it would not be safe for the children. I have included a few photos of the buildings, the dormitories, the kitchen, etc. just to give you some idea. The property is large and there are numerous buildings so maintenance and upkeep are costly. Sometimes the Global Volunteer groups do maintenance work such as painting and plumbing. GV helps where and when they are needed. Sometimes they have to help buy food. The price of food is going up and the children didn't have bread for several days until GV pitched in to help pay for it.

I am including photos of two of the little girls we work with each day here. One of them is going to be adopted by one of the previous volunteers. She has been working on it for about six months and Edith says it will probably take a year. There is an adorable little boy named Joseph who is an orphan. He is so bright and sweet. His eyes could melt the ice queen in to a puddle of water. He needs to be adopted. I wish I knew someone who could adopt him. Edith says she would adopt him if they asked her to but then she would not be able to work. She clearly loves him and wants him to have a good home. She helped care for him a lot when he was very small.

There are many programs that can't happen at PPA unless there are volunteers. This group being so small we could not cover everything. The children ask Edith to bring more "visitas". She says she will bring more and the children as her, "will they love us?" There are programs helping with the 6-12 month old children in the mornings and the afternoons, art therapy in the afternoons with the 3-5 year olds, taking children with physical therapy needs to Tonito Silva, Hospital care, Sibling group play, dulces suenos (sweet dreams) in the evenings and helping out with English in the afternoons for the older kids. There are also maintenance and building projects, painting the nurseries (Steve Martin and his family came this summer and he painted a giant Horton on the playroom wall). Think about volunteering for the children of Peru or if you don't think that is for you, go to global volunteers website and donate money - you can designate for Peru or you can let them use it for all their programs. But the children need you. Even a small amount can help - $10 would probably feed a couple of children for week or buy some diapers or other supplies or help pay for bread. Please think about it. Please go to www.globalvolunteers.org/sponsorship

A little bit about me

Here are a few photos of me here in Peru. My roommate Pauline is in two of the pictures and our "guide" from this past weekend is also in one of the photos. I think from looking at the photos I may be losing some weight. At least it looks so to me. I got something from the seafood last week and I couldn't eat for about a day. I have been really, really careful about what I eat ever sense then. On Saturday when we were traveling I went for 12 hours pretty much without food. When I did eat it was a terrible chicken sandwich. For dinner, I was afraid to order off the menu so I just ate spaghetti. Tonight was the first salad I have had in over a week. It was delicious - lettuce, apples, raisins, and shredded chicken with balsamic dressing. You have to be really careful about eating lettuce or salad at most places because they may wash it with tap water. The water here is really not safe to drink. They have a very high level of cholera. They talk a lot about what is good and bad for digestion which means they must have a lot of problems because of the water and the food. They also eat their large meal at lunch and eat very light for dinner.

Edith says she is very careful about eating in Cusco and the Machu Picchu area. So I will probably be starved by the time I get back. Maybe I will lose a few more pounds. One of my pairs of jeans is way too big right now. I have to keep pulling it up. I wonder if I will go back to eating US portion sizes when I get home.

Nazca Pottery

The is one of the local potters in Nazca. He is making pottery designs that are exactly the same as his Nazca ancestors. He does not change the patterns or add anything new. He keeps the tradition alive. The clay is a mixture of clay and sand - about 60% clay and 40% sand. The sand makes the pottery more porous so that it will retain the color better. In these photos he is making a small pot with two little funnels at the top joined by a handle. They used these pots to hold water and tied them around their waste when they had to carry the water a long distance. His potter was really beautiful. After he finishes hand making the piece (no potter's wheels), he will dry is slowing in the shade for a day or so. Then he will paint it will paints made from the ores in the area - iron, copper, etc. Then it is dried some more before it goes in to the "kiln". They don't used a closed oven kiln. There is an open topped oven. The pieces are stacked in the bottom and old pieces of clay are put on top of the new pots to made a top for the oven. There is room for wood underneath and wood is also piled on top of the clay. The wood above and below the clay objects his set on fire. They have to maintain a certain temperature (without a thermometer) for 8 hours (I think is what he said) then they let the wood burn down and the pieces are carefully pulled from the fire to cool. Here are some photos of the finished products including some very interesting fertility mugs (you will see what I mean).

The Nazca Aqueducts

The Nazca people have built more than 40 underground water canals to carry the water from the Andes to the valley.. Even if it never rains in Nazca water descends underground from the Andean Cordillera towards the sea. The aqueducts are 3 to 6 meters deep. These photos are of the breathing holes that were built down in to the aqueducts. They were used as clean outs. They are very strong and have survived many earthquakes.The Nazca culture (often spelled Nasca) flourished in the Nazca region between 300 BC and 800 AD.

Nazca Lines

On Saturday afternoon, after driving for six hours down the cost and over some of the mountains to get to Nazca, we took a plane ride to see the Nazca Lines. It was difficult to take quality pictures out the window of the airplane. These photos are of the monkey and the hummingbird. The monkey has nine fingers and his tail resembles the design of the aqueducts in Nazca that route the underground water from the Andes to the valley so that they can grow food in this barren desert. This area get very little rain throughout the year. The Nazca Lines are thought to be some sort of agricultural calendar. Some of the straightlines correspond to the summer and winter solstices. There is also one design that is called the astronaut. This has contributed to some theories that the lines are runways for UFO's and their were aliens in the area. I think the agricultural/astronomical calendar is much more likely. The nine fingers of the monkey represent the nine months that there is no rain in the area, as well as the growing season. The area of these designs covers 500 square kilometers. It covers a large desert area between Palpa and Nazca.

Ballestas Islands Sanctuary

These are the Ballestas Islands just off shore from the town of Paracas south of Lima. This island is home to thousands, probably millions of birds, some Humbolt penguins and sea lions. As we pulled toward the islands in the boat they appears to be dripping with white icing. Of course, this isn't icing, it's bird guano (poop)! Over the period of seven years the guano builds up to a height of about 10 meters or roughly 30 feet. Peru brings in 300 men for 3 months to clean the islands and collect the guano which is highly prized as organic fertilizer. Chile actually tried to take the island from Peru because they wanted the guano for themselves. Who knew poop could be so valuable. We had to keep our hats on for the trip because poop was dropping all over the place. One little boy without a hat got it right on top of the head. They are just entering the spring when the sea lions will have their calves. There is a beach called maternity beach (see video) where all the mothers go to have their babies. In December their will be more than 2,000 sea lions on this small beach. It was hard to catch the names of the birds because much of the tour was in Spanish. Their are terns, boobies, gulls, etc. Many of the same birds I saw in Alaska - I think perhaps they migrate but it was difficult to ask. We also saw a starfish called the sun star fish that is only in South America.

Lima Snails

We were walking back to the hostal from dinner one night last week when we looked down and these snails were all over the side walk. A few of them had been smashed by people walking along who didn't see them. Apparently they live in the grass beside the sidewalks and come out on to the sidewalks in the evening. People eat them here too. It is better than guinea pig!

Lima Open Market shopping trip

Today we visited the Magdalena Market in Peru. This a typical Peruvian outdoor market where the locals go to get all of their goods. There are supermarkets in the wealthy areas but they are very expensive. In these markets it is important to know your source. You can see from all the meat and fish hanging and lying around in the open that this could present some problems. they eat all kinds of different things we wouldn't think of touching. Guinea pigs for one. We watched them kill one (slit its throat). They eat chicken feet cow stomach, intestines and heart to name a few others. There are some interesting veggies as well. They have about 30 varieties of potatoes, a HUGE squash (can't remember the name), many kinds of beans and grains and some of the largest kernels of corn I have ever seen. You can also find ground coca leaves and probably the leaves themselves in the market. I am not sure if it is legal to sell it or not. They put it in the yogurt for breakfast and they also have coca tea in most restaurants so I know that is legal. I think it is grown in the north near Columbia and also in the Cusco area. Notice the photo of me holding a large bag of ground Coca - just for some humor. I have tried the Coca tea and it just tastes like herbal tea to me. I don't notice any different after drinking it. I think I will stick with my coffee. It is supposed to help with altitude sickness so they say I should drink it for 2 days prior to leaving for Cusco and while I am there. Maybe its a blood thinner or something. Anyway, back to the market. It was certainly a feast for some of the senses - smells and sights for sure. The corridors are very narrow - you may be able to tell this from the video (its bit shaky due to the tightness of the area). The vendors specialize - chicken only, beef only, grains, sundries, fish, cooked food (like little fast food counters), rabbits and guinea pigs, fruits and vegetables. There are very few that have more than one specialty - no WalMarts here! It is a giant maze of stalls winding around at least one city block. Then outside the food market are the other shops. They bootleg videos and you can buy just about any video for $1. You should see the ladies lingerie - for a Catholic country they are sure selling a lot of racy undies! Shoes, clothes, drugstores, candy stores, dog food stores, etc. All specialties. Its a a real zoo. If I get to go again I will try to write down more notes. It all went by so fast I am sure I am forgetting to cover a lot.

Peruvian Dinner Theater

Last night we went to the Peruvian Dinner Theater. These are a few photos from the tradional dances of Peru. The one with the large head is like the lucky Buddha of Peru. The show had dances from many of the areas and cultures of Peru - Lima, Cusco (Inca), Puno, Ica and other coastal regions. The costumes were very colorful. My favorite dance was the scissors dance. These two men dance with the two components of a pair of scissors in their hands keeping a constant rhythm while they tumble and dance around. They were pretty amazing. I will post a video so that you can hear the music and write about the dances a bit later.

Social Worker Visit in Peru

Today our program director Edith took us with the social worker and a child from PPA (Juan) to look for his home for a surprise visit it was an unbelievable day. To get there we took a taxi from the children's home. The air quality in Lima is very bad. They do not have emissions control. They dump there trash all over the place in the shanty towns that surround the city. We drove around for about an hour or longer. On the way to Juan's house we saw a dead dog in heap of trash on the side of the road. Then as we walked over the hill we saw a woman dragging a dying dog to the middle of median - there really isn't a road, it is all dirt. We drove all over the place in Villa El Salvador - the shanty town - trying to find this place. Juan, who is six was trying to guide us through the maze of shanty houses to find his. We stopped for directions many times. When we finally go to this spot we found that we had to walk over the back of this huge sand dune and down the back side which is pretty much like a cliff. His house is basically hanging on the edge of a cliff. Very dangerous for a small child. His father abandoned his mother. There are 3 children. 2 at PPA and a 15 year old who lives at home with the mother. He had some sort of accident and can't walk so he sits in bed all day. I am not sure how he gets to the bathroom. It not really a bathroom per se. The dig a hole in the sand and bury their waste inside the home. There is a lot of cholera, dissentary and tuberculosis in the shantytowns. They have power which they have spliced from someone else. It is strung to the house with multiple extension cords. The shack does look out at the ocean so the air quality is better there than most of the rest of the ride. Peru is in the earthquake zone. If there is another bad earthquake many of the people in Villa El Salvador will be buried in the rubble of their homes. There is no building code enforcement. There is so much exhaust in the air everywhere it is just nasty. I have a hard time imagining that they live with this terrible air quality every day. It is so dangerous. But the environment is not something they think about when they have so many more pressing priorities with so many people living in abject poverty.

After we made our way back up the sand dune we drove around the area looking around. There are make shift houses and markets all over the place and stray dogs that look like they are staving wandering around or languishing on the side of the road. We went to an area where they sell furniture that is made in the area. They are famous for furniture in Villa El Salvador.

Then we made our way back to PPA and had lunch.

American small business will feel the Bailout Blues

Our lawmakers have failed us again. They are incapable of separating their self interests in being re-elected from taking the bad medicine that is necessary to help free up the liquidity crisis. I am not for corporate welfare which to some degree is what this bill represents. However, without a bipartisan solution to free up the markets the Wall Street Big Guns suffering will be minor compared to that of the American people as a whole. The Great Depression was the result of a protracted lack of credit availability. Without credit businesses don't grow, especially small businesses. Working capital loans won't be made by the bank which results in small businesses having trouble making payroll especially if they aren't getting paid for their receivables. This will impact every 401K plan and pretty much everyone in America. Few business survive today on a strictly cash basis. Lines of credit are critical to the continued flow of capital and day to day business. Our president, our congressmen and women and our regulators are failing miserably to educate the public on how the market works and how closely Main Street is tied to Wall Street. Nobody is going to be happy about a $700 Billion bill - but it should not end up costing this much. In the end, the Government should make its money back from the assets purchased from the financial institutions. Its not like the assets are worth NOTHING, they do have value and their are buyers with capital awaiting the opportunity to buy. We need this liquidity injected in to the market. This needs to get done. Nancy Pelosi needs to talk more like a stateswoman than a partisan hack and Republicans need to swallow their distaste for corporate welfare and get this bill passed. Perhaps we should throw the lot of them out in November. I hate to think we'll still be waiting for a solution on November 4th. People are going to start putting their cash under the mattress. That's really frightening.

Remembering Yesterday, silence and valuing the differences

Yesterday was September 11. For the first time it didn't seem like there was much made about the day. It has been seven years. To me it seems like it was last year or at least no more than a couple of years. That day stands out in my mind as one of the most memorable in my lifetime. And the days following when three of us, my boss and another friend/employee, tried to make our way back to Colorado from Washington, DC/Richmond. It was an adventure - planes, almost trains, cabs, and automobiles. We traveled in silence in our mini-van much of the time, turning off the radio. We missed most of the early TV coverage. We had a mission to get home to our loved one's. We drove all night. Stopping on the roadside in the mountains of Virginia at midnight when the massive accident shut down the highway. We walked along the side of the road in silence just to pass the time.

After making it home, I was struck by the silence there too. No planes in the sky, no shouting on TV, everyone looking out for one another. Peaceful in the face of horrible devastation.

Now, this year's anniversary is in the middle of an election. People barely stopped the bickering, shouting and mud slinging to honor the dead. Can't we be civil to each other and value and respect our differences. That's what has made our country so great. We are so diverse and that's what creates so much opportunity - differences create new ideas, our differences help us solve problems. Why can't we see these differences as good and return to a world in which we respect ourselves and each other.

I think we need a movement to re-institute civility in our civil society.

Aggravated

I just went to the specialty meat market to get some steaks. I always ask them to cut my filets because I like the smaller than they come pre-cut. Its way to much meat for a person to eat an 8 oz filet. So I asked the guy for 2 - 6 oz and 3-4 oz. filets. So as far as my math goes that's 24 oz. which makes 1.5 pounds. He hands me the package and I go up to pay and look down and its 2.1 pounds. So that's about $13 more than what I asked for. Its aggravating. Then I end up looking like a complainer or a cheapo if I take them back and ask for what I asked for in the first place.

In reflecting on it on the way home, I think they must train them all to measure heavy. When I ask for my sliced turkey - half pound, its always over "just a little". Is it a conspiracy? Or am I just to exacting?

Baxter Black reminding us

My cousin sent me this today. Its a good reminder of the sacrifices that have been made for us so that we can sit on our porch and soak in the sunset.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R0rQzUVQjd8

Quieting the Mind

It is so much easier to write little snippets here than it is to work on my book. I find every distraction in the world to stop me from making progress. Actually, that's the problem with the world today. There are SO many distractions - constant media bombardment, options for entertainment, cell phones, handheld email devices. We are always ON and available. It makes it extremely difficult to quiet the mind.

I have been trying to quiet my mind by mediating 30 minutes each morning and evening. I am not doing so well. In the past week I think I have been able to do for about 15 minutes at most and usually just once a day. I am in a constant state of frenzy. Even when I sit down and try to quiet my mind. A million little thoughts run across my tele-prompter. I try to make them go away and it just leads me down another thought path.

I think that's why blogging is so popular these days, it makes a place to store all of the random thoughts from the tele-prompter. Be still my mind.

Going to school again

I signed up for an online writing class. The course is in writing short stories - literary fiction. I am waiting for my first response from the teacher and wondering how that is going to feel. I just recently started writing again. It has been 20 some odd years. I hope I can handle the criticism. Its funny how comfortable you can get with the way you are. Feedback or what is perceived as criticism can be tough. When you are one of the top executives in a company people stop giving you "feedback". You start thinking you don't need to change anything. Which is a lie you tell yourself. So i am looking for the feedback with an open mind. I should get some feedback tomorrow.

I am also thinking about going back to school to study something different than business/accounting. Feeling the need to grow and learn something new. Its hard to break away from what I have been doing for the past 20 or so years. It seems like going to school would provide more discipline around moving on to something new. After all, if I spend the money for the classes then I will feel compelled to do the work and follow through instead of just thinking about it or talking about it.

A Fall Breeze is blowing through the window

Fall is here. Or at least for tonight. There is a crisp breeze blowing through my window. The temperature is going to drop down in to the 40's tonight. Sounds like fall to me. Of course my tomatoes are just starting to ripen so I hope that the colder air with hold off for another 15 or 20 days. I love the fall. I am going to miss quite a bit of it this year. I will be in Arizona for a week in September. I don't think they have a fall in Tucson. Then I am going to Peru in October. It will still be winter there. I guess I will enjoy the little bits of it that I get.

Here's to the changing seasons. A reminder that we all need to change and renew ourselves on an annual basis.

In the Garden

I have always been a "foodie". My mother was a great cook. When I was growing up we always had a big garden. You may recall one of my blog postings last year about a tomato. Well, this is the first year in Colorado that I actually have some really large beefsteak tomatoes growing. I can't wait until they ripen and I can gorge myself. But there are some other troubling things about the growing season this year, in Colorado and elsewhere.

I was talking to my brother recently about my garden. He lives in Charlotte and his wife has a bunch of tomato plants growing but no tomatoes. There was an article in the Charlotte Observer about the fact that the bees aren't around to pollinate the tomatoes. The article gave instructions to shake the plants to pollinate them if there are no pollinators (bees) present. I got to thinking about my tomatoes. They get shaken up a lot because I am out there a lot poking around, moving the stakes and messing around with them. So I wondered if I was pollinating instead of the bees. Then it occurred to me that it must be my action around the plants because my zucchini's are a completely different story.

Last year I had so many zucchini I could not keep up with them. This year started out well but just as the plants were hitting their stride in blooms the fruit production stopped. I realized that the female blooms are not getting pollinated. It has been 3 weeks. I have plenty of blooms but no new zucchini.

This isn't an isolated problem. As I searched the internet I found that it is happening all over the place. It is a problem that is only getting limited play in the MSM but rest assured it is a serious problem. Without the bees we will lose many of our vegetable, fruit and nut crops. In the US most of the articles say there is no consensus on what is causing the loss of the bees - known as Colony Collapse Disorder. Research in France indicates that it is related to widespread pesticide use. Of course, there will never be a consensus because competing interests never agree.

I am suggesting that you do your own research and get involved.

Transition - existing in the Void

Yesterday was fairly warm and sunny. Today I woke up to about 8 inches of snow. In a way the reluctance of spring to arrive reminds me of my current state of transition. Transitions are not easy. For a time you exist in a state of void - who are you, who are you going to be? You aren't what you used to be and yet you aren't something new yet. It reminds me of the weather this year. It seems like the landscape is turning to something new and then the snow comes again and its back to winter.

I think this is a reminder to slow down and just let things be - the next, right thing will come when the time is right. No need to rush it.

I am reading this book called "The Way of Transition". It talks about how most creative ideas come out of existing in the void where anything is possible.

So here I sit, existing in the void. Its really hard for me. I have had a job since I was 12 years old - one right after the other. I have never even taken a two week vacation between jobs. I don't know many people who've been that nuts. Having been that way for so long, I have to say that it is really hard to let go of the work persona. Even for a little while. But believe it is something I need to do.

If you've ever been through a major transition and have some advise, I would love to hear it.

Martha

Long time no post

I haven't felt much like reading or writing since my father died. Perhaps it is time to get back to this exericise. I have been running around chasing ideas for something to do for a living for the past month or so and running back and forth to Kentucky to take care of my Dad's business and pack up the house. In fact, I am headed back there tomorrow for my 5th trip this year.

I got some advise last week to slow down/sit down and answer a few questions.

How much money do I have to/need to make?

How much do I want to make?

How much do I want to work?

What excites me? or what do I enjoy?

So I have been thinking about those things.

Election 2008 - the new generation

This election is the first election in which my daughter is eligble to vote. I have to say how impressed I am with her and her generation. This past week she sat for three hours and watched the debates for both parties while answering survey questions on facebook. I have to say how impressed I am with her and her friends for listening and being informed about the candidates.

I remember my first election - it was 1980 and Ronald Reagan was my candidate. Honestly, I didn't listen to a single debate and I can't recall reading much about details of anybody's positions on anything. I just remember that I was not for any entitlement programs and I got in argument with my roomate about social security and whether or not people who didn't need the money should get benefits. I thought no - I still think no. I would be perfectly fine giving up my social security benefits. I would want a reduction in my payroll taxes - not all of them but maybe half which I would use to fund my own retirement. I think those benefits should only go to people who are really in need.

Anyway, I think there is a lot of promise in this generation of young people that many people underestimate. They are bright and informed and they will make things happen. I am so impressed with my daughter. She's really something.

Coming Home

Yesterday I came home to my Dad's house for the first time without him here. It was hard. A dear old friend of mine who has been through the same experience came with me so that I wouldn't have to be alone. She and another friend of ours were with me. They have both lost both of their parents so we are are the "Dead Parents Society". Rather grim.
Its hard to describe the sense of loss that you feel when you first enter your parents home and neither of them are their to greet you. I think a lot of people don't want to stay in the house alone after both parents have died there but not me. There is some sense of comfort in being here. Like some of their energy is still here comforting me making me feel like I will be able to go on.
I am still having trouble shedding the tears that I know are bottled up inside. I keep holding it back for fear that if I start I won't be able to stop. I have cried some today but each time I start I catch myself and hold back. I don't know why I do this. Sadness is a natural emotion and its important to be able to cry and feel the emotion.
I listened to some music that helped a little. There is an Allison Krauss song "Simple Love" that in many ways reminds me of my Dad and how he loved my mother and that helps me let go a little bit. But I just can't seem to let it go.
I really would like to just sit in the floor and sob but I just don't know how to let it out.
More to come tomorrow.