A Better Day - somewhat

Today I took my Dad in for his blood work and then we came back home and waited for a fax rather than sitting in the doctor's office for 2 hours waiting. The results were pretty good in that he doesn't need a transfusion today and will probably make it through the weekend until his appointment on Monday.

The bad news is that his Blast percentage is continuing to increase. This is a reading that indicates the number of immature white cells in the blood and is an indicator of leukemia. His blast percentage has climbed for each of the last three blood tests and is now 45%. They say that a reading above 20% is an indication of leukemia. So we think this has probably turned in to leukemia. I am not really sure what that means in terms of a prognosis. I mean we know he doesn't have a lot of time but we don't know if its a week, a month or several months.

He wanted me to drive by the cemetery yesterday to my mother's grave. When we stopped there he showed me where he wanted his tombstone to be - right behind my mother's. It made me cry but he said these are things we have to talk about and I agreed. It still made me sad. It makes me sad now just thinking about it.

2007 A year in Review

2007 has been a very busy year for us. Let me start with the craziness around my career. Started the year off in a whirlwind of work - Jan-April was nonstop travel with Board Meetings, operations meetings, and investor meetings. It seemed like I was always on the road. I was in New York, Florida, Texas, Washington DC, Seattle, and Las Vegas. While so of this is fun, it gets old after a while. I miss being at home with my family. In May I started thinking about doing something else, starting my own business so that I could be in control of my own life again. But that was a long process. Convincing my boss that I was serious about a change was a difficult task. We have worked together off and on for over 20 years and he's as much a part of my life as my family is. At least I have been working with him for longer than I have been with my husband and children. We continued to talk about how to make it work but I continued to struggle with the challenges of running a public company's operations and balancing that with having a life. Working with an executive coach I began to formulate some ideas about what I would like to do with a goal of leaving my job within the year.
In October an opportunity came up that seemed like a once in a lifetime thing. I decided to go for it but had to leave the company with no notice as I had decided to pursue buying some assets the company was looking to sell and I couldn't work there while pursuing the transaction. It was a difficult decision. I am pursuing the transaction now. Some days I am energized, excited and feel I can conquer the world. Other days I question myself and why I decided to do this. It may end up being just as much work and I won't be in complete control of my life because I will be answering to my equity partners in the deal. Its an emotional roller coaster. John has been incredibly supportive.
In the midst of this bold step by father's health took a turn for the worse. I went to Kentucky for what I expected would be a long weekend and now it looks like I will be here for the duration. That makes getting a deal done a bit of a challenge because I am really the only person to take care of him. My brother has his own business and a client situation that requires his devoted attention. We will see how it all plays out and if I don't get the deal, I am sure there will be other opportunities.
There is just a lot of uncertainty right now.
John is continuing to be very active with the kid's school and scouting with Jack. He stays very busy and spent a good part of the year overseeing the construction mess in our basement. If was finally completed in September and now we have to furnish it. We put a "pub" in the basement named for John's Irish roots - The Carolan Pub - the name got changed when they came across the big pond so now it's Carlin. It is the neighborhood hang out as the neighbors walk the trail behind the house on occasion to see if the pub lights are on so they can stop in for a Fat Tire (a local Colorado beer we have on tap. John has also been teaching Mac and Jack to shoot - bows and BB's. They are both pretty good and enjoy shooting at targets. Let's just hope they don't start shooting at something else. We have a lot of deer in our area and one of the neighbors got a hunting tag to shoot them with a bow. Mac and Jack were over at their house one evening when the neighbor killed a deer. It was an interesting experience for them to say the least. John continues to do well with his Parkinson's though he is slowing down a bit. I know it is a challenge for him with my in Kentucky. His doctor left the practice and the practice has kind of fallen apart so he has spent a good bit of time trying to find another one. We are scheduled to see a doctor at the Cleveland Clinic in December. We remain optimistic about the research that is going on to find a cure.
Lindsay returned home from SCAD and enrolled in the Art Institute of Colorado in January. She is an amazing photographer and is doing well in her classes. Check our her website at www.7-24photo.com. This summer she got some jobs taking senior class photos for a few students and they turned out great. If you are looking for a family photo, photo's of your kids or just some nice photos for your walls - check out the site. She is ready for business. She continues to hang out with the old gang from our old neighborhood and is growing up into an amazing young lady. I am very proud of her. In July we decided to join a good friend of mine and her son and niece on a trip to Italy. It was really a spur of the moment decision something I don't usually do. We had a wonderful time visiting Venice, Lugano-Switzerland, Milan, Florence and Rome. I am definitely going back. What an amazing place.
Mary Mac is getting so tall she will soon out grow me. She is only 10! She is still the fashion queen of the house. She is taking hip hop dance and loves it - no more Irish dance. I think last years St.Patty's Parade put an end to that. Too much walking! She is doing well in school and enjoys hanging out with friends and the whole Webkins craze.
Jack is growing up fast too but is still our baby. He is active in scouts and enjoys all the activities. He and John have been camping several times. He started playing basketball this fall and is pretty good. Maybe he will have some of my Dad's talent - he played in college for a while. He has also retired from Irish Dance - getting too old, I think, to be one of the only boys. He loves art, a lot like Lindsay. He is also a big Webkins fan.
We are looking forward to the new year and new beginnings.

Long Day

Yesterday we left the house at 8am to go to the doctor for a blood test to see if my Dad needed blood. After getting the blood work we sat in the doctor's office for about 2 hours waiting for the results. He did need blood and platelets so we head to the hospital next door arriving there around 11:30. Since his platelets have to be HLA typed now so that he won't reject them they had to order them from a special source. While we were waiting for those they prepared my Dad to receive 2 units of red blood cells. These take a long time to administer. They finally started those around 1:00. He finished the red cell transfusion around 8:30 and we were still waiting for the platelets to arrive. They arrived around 9:30 and were set up by 10. He finished the platelet transfusion around 10:30. So we didn't get home until 11. It seems to me that they need a new process for handling these sorts of things. People who are really sick don't need to be waiting around for hours and hours. The beds and chairs they have in the rooms are not comfortable which makes matters worse when you are sitting for 12 hours. It was a long, exhausting day. He had to do this six times last week. Fortunately this week we have only had to go once.

I haven't asked the doctor what happens if he stops taking the transfusions. I know the answer but I just don't know what it means in terms of time frames and suffering. This is so difficult. My brother was supposed to arrive last night but he is still sick. I have been telling him for a week to go get this Chinese concoction that I took when I was sick but he didn't try to go get it until late yesterday and they were closed. Very frustrating. So he will come on Friday night or Saturday morning if he is better.

I miss my husband and my children. I wish that they could be here too but it would just be too much. As the hours pass by slowing I often feel very lonely.

Living

Just about two years ago my mother died. In her last two weeks it was very hard. One day when I was talking to my daughter I told her that my mother was dying. She said, no she's not, "she's living, everyday that she is here she is living, she's not dying." It didn't strike me until later how wise she was. Even when there is just a little time left, a person is living, not dying.

Now I am faced again with this prospect with my father. The treatment he was taking was only making matters worse and we took him off the medicine on Friday. We don't know how long he has but for the time that he does have I am planning to be here with him. Because I want to be but also because I promised my mother the day that she died that I would take care of him. He is in pain quite a bit and has been sleeping a lot for the last few days. The stories that I enjoyed so much on our trips back and forth to Cleveland are gone. He doesn't feel like talking much. But he is enjoying listening to me talk on the phone and try to work on this deal to buy a big real estate portfolio. He always asks me to stay in the room so he can listen to my calls. I think he's living through me a little bit. So for now, I will remember what Lindsay said, my father is living everyday that he is still here with us, he's not dying.