Stress

I had my annual physical last week. In general my health is good on all fronts with the exception of my mental state. According to the test I took I am in the 98th percentile on vocational stress and the 89th percentile on domestic stress. Let's see, my job stress is probably related to the fact that I have way too much to do and never enough time to do it because I am in endless, pointless meetings that rarely have an agenda or established outcomes. There is rarely open dialogue about real issues and half the people I work with are either passive aggressive or blatantly aggressive. There is no meaningful debate and concerns and issues that are raised are either discounted or outright ignored. Oh, and my boss, has an extremely unpredictable personality that floats between disrespectful, mean/cutting, and jovial and humorous. And his expectations are only rarely grounded in reality.

Then, let's look at the domestic stress. My mother died last year leaving my Dad alone and not in the best of health. Half the time the medicine one doctor is giving him for one ailment is practically killing because of one of his other issues. The medical system is broken and he's over a thousand miles away where I can't really help him. My nineteen year old daughter hates me and says that something I did when she was a child has caused her to have severe depression and other issues and is constantly making me feel like they need to make another "mommy dearest" to depict the horrors of my mothering skills. My husband has PD and won't talk to me about any of his feelings. He avoids my teenager and won't deal with the issues of their relationship or its impact on me as the person in between. While I know that he loves me very much I don't feel very loved. In fact, there is only one person in my house who tells me that they love me everyday without me having to say it first. That's my son Jack. He tells me several times a day, every day. I take that back, my Dad tells me every day when I call him on the phone to check on him. I think my husband has said he loved me once (before I said it) that I can remember in the last several months. My daughter Mary Mac says it sometimes but mostly after I have said it to her first.

I remember going to a marriage class before we got married. It was a weekend retreat at a church compound. One of the things that they told us was how important it is to tell each other that you love each other every day.

I realize that I have been a VERY strong person all my life so maybe that makes people either thinks that I don't need support or love. But I really do. I don't think I am as strong as I appear on the outside.

I suppose I really shouldn't be writing all this where people can read it. So why do people write these sorts of things on blogs. Are they crying out for someone to hear them and help them? For somebody to reach across the chasm and pull them back. To offer an idea, solution or just some support? Perhaps. Or maybe just to get off their chest.

Pavillion of Women

We are reading this book for our book club at the office. It was written in 1938. I was thinking it was not going to be very good or very relevant to today. Amazingly it was not. Much of what Madame Wu struggles with is very relevant today. She's looking for purpose. She is weighted down by her responsibilities in the household of more than 60 people. She longs for something that will touch her soul. There were so many observations about her and her loneliness that I found parallel to my own life in a very odd way. With one great exception - she did not love her husband. I love mine very much. He is the sweetest, kindest man I have ever met.

She carries a heavy burden for many people as do I - at work, with my Dad, at home

She longs for purpose and meaning as do I. I want to be something more than just the job I have. I want to know my purpose. But I am often too busy to ponder the question. This was Madame Wu's problem as well. So many things she had to handle that she did not have time for herself. To find inside herself what her purpose and meaning were.

She longs to reach inside herself. To feel and know her soul. As do I.

Maybe I will get that chance very soon - to ponder these questions.

7 Deadly Sins of Peformance Measurement

I recently attended an executive management class at MIT. They provided a copy of the most recent MIT Management Review which had a really interesting and relevant article on performance measurement. http://sloanreview.mit.edu/smr/issue/2007/spring/02/pdf/48302W.pdf

The 7 Deadly Sins are Vanity, Provincialism, Narcissism, Laziness, Pettiness, Inanity and Frivolity. You are probably thinking what the heck does that mean? The article gives great examples from real world companies on how each of these can be a down fall.

Vanity - selecting only measurements that will inevitably make management and the company look good

Provincialism - allowing departments to measure narrowly within their own boudaries or silos which leads to suboptimization

Narcissism - measuring from one's own point of view rather than the customers

Laziness - assuming one knows what is important to measure without giving it adequate thougth or effort

Pettiness - measuring only a small component of what matters

Inanity - implementing metrics wihtout giving any thoguht to the consequences of thes metrics on human behavior and enterprise performance.

Frivolity - the sin of not being serious about measurement in the first place

There are great examples in the article about how each of these can adversely impact the business. It really made me rethink our approach to measurement and ask all the other business unit leaders to give it some thought for discussion at our next meeting.

The Language of God

I am currently reading the book "The Language of God" by Francis Collins, the head of the human genome project. He is a scientist and former athiest. Through his work on the human genome project he ultimately turned his view around to one of profound belief in God. Much of the reading that he did to inform his changed viewpoint was written by C.S.Lewis, starting with "Mere Christianity". I am just about half way throught he book so more commentary will come as I finish it up. Please read the comments - I am attaching some links to articles a friend sent that are related to the topic.