Slowly returning

The last months of my father's battle with cancer were two years ago now. Two years that seem to have simultaneously drifted and flown by. Grief is an interesting process. Sometimes you process it well and move through it quickly and sometimes you don't. I think it has taken me just about two years to feel like I have processed my father's passing. It is time to get back to living. Not that I haven't been trying to live but I have been largely avoiding myself and what I really want out of life. Part of that I believe is a clinging to the old expectations my father had of me. He was so proud of my success in the business world. He would tell everyone he met how successful I was. Am I still successful in his eyes if I don't work in a big corporate job. We have enough money to live comfortably if we aren't wasteful. I can work on my own business ideas in my own time without the pressure of corporate demands. No travel that I don't want, no work that doesn't suit me. I like this idea of a life but I still struggle with the person my father was so proud of. I know it wasn't the job, it was me but still, if he is looking down, is he still proud. Would he be proud that I chose not to go back to that world?

Anybody out there made this same transition? Do you have doubts? How did you come to terms with the new person you became?

I am glad that I am returning to the world, even if it is a slow process, and I am not 100% sure of my direction. I am enjoying exploring the options.

Starting the Garden

Today I started a few seeds out in the greenhouse. My plan this season is to have a much larger garden than usual. I started out just wanting to have something I could do with the kids that reminded me of growing up. We used to have a big garden every year. My Dad would take us out to the garden every evening after work and we would pull weeds or harvest when the time came.

After hearing about the growing hunger problem in America and the shortages at food banks around the country I decided to expand my garden goals for the year. I started a non-profit called Share My Harvest (www.sharemyharvest.org) to recruit local home gardeners to grow food for the food banks or other organizations working to help fight hunger. It is a grassroots effort but those have the power to take off and really have an impact.

Having run a large company I know the power of small numbers and how they can add up. Just one gardener can produce enough food to donate with a small plot. Imagine what 50 or more backyard gardens could do.

I am working on recruiting volunteers in the Denver area and pairing up with the food banks and churches. I am also looking for people would would be interested in coordinating programs in other areas of the country. Please contact me at mcarlin@sharemyharvest.org if you have any interest in being a local market coordinating volunteer.